Breathless

10. NUMB.

I was shaking. I felt numb on my feet and fell down on the floor. Held my face in my hands and cried my eyes out. I could feel nothing but pain all through my body. How could Neil cheat on me? I loved him so much.

I laid there for hours, crying through the night, wondering what I did wrong. All the moments we spent together in each other's arms flashed through my mind. My head was throbbing. I got up and saw the teddy bear he got me lying there. I searched for a blade and cut through the bear. The cotton stuffing poured out and I just kept crying. I threw all the stuff he'd gotten me out the window.

I saw the blade lying on the bed. I stared at it and then went to the mirror. I was a mess. I could hear voices in my head telling me to pick up the blade and cut through my skin. I listened to them.

I picked it up and took a long breath. I brought it to my arm and sliced it. Small dots of blood appeared on my arm. I sliced once more. In the same place. The blood began oozing out. I felt relief. It was hurting but it took my mind off of Neil.

I laid on the floor and stared at the ceiling. My phone was ringing. 23 missed calls from Neil. I picked it up and blocked his number, then deleted every single message he'd ever sent. There were about 58 missed calls from Natalie.

I messaged her saying. " I'm sorry, I'm so so so sorry for not believing you. I was under his spell. I loved him too much to see the truth, Nat. I feel horrible. I'm sorry. I want to be alone for some time. I'll call you when I can."

I threw my phone against the wall.

My arm felt numb.

I got up the next morning and looked at myself. I was in no shape to go anywhere. The next few days I spent were in my bed's company. I didn't eat a thing. I was stuck to my bed and didn't move a muscle for the longest time.

My mom kept banging on the door. "Riley, there's someone here to see you, Natalie is here too, please come on out." Since I locked myself in Dad hadn't once come to see how I was doing.

I got out of my bed. Wiped my tears and opened the door. It was Natalie and beside her was the cute boy from the party. Cameron. "Hi Riley, oh my god I was so worried." Natalie hugged me tight. I didn't say anything. We went and sat on my bed.

I glanced at my arm and ran to the bathroom. I quickly wore a long sleeved top and came back out.

"How you doing?" Cameron said. It was really sweet of him to come see how I was considering he knew nothing about me and neither did I. "I'm okay I guess" I replied looking down.

"You look like you haven't slept in days Riley." Nat said looking concerned. "That's cause I haven't. It's fine though. I'm just fine." I said, my voice soft. My head was still throbbing. "Have you seen yourself?" She took me to the mirror. I looked up and saw my face. I looked tired. My eyes were bloodshot, my hands were shaking and due to all the crying, my mascara made my face black. I wiped my tears again and sat back on the bed.

"That bastard didn't deserve you. You shouldn't cry over assholes like him." Cameron said. But how could I not cry? I was heartbroken. He was my everything. I loved him so much.