Breathless

27. Won't Forget You

I had to speak to Jake and get him to understand what I was going through. I slipped into a comfortable top and shorts and got out of my room. I went straight to his room and knocked on the door. He opened it and looked at me. "I'm sorry Riley, I really am" he said looking filled with guilt. He allowed me inside and I sat on his bed.

"Jake, it's okay...but this cannot happen again. I'm not ready for anything right now. If you knew half of what has happened you'd stay away from me." I said. "Tell me then, Riley! I can see it in your eyes, you do have feelings for me! Why do you keep pushing me away?" He yelled. "Stop yelling at me!" I yelled back.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean t.." I cut him off and said,"I'm sorry too Jake but I'm in a really dark place right now and I need some time to myself. I don't want to be dependant on anyone. I don't need anyone!" "I understand Riley, but for how long are you going to keep this up? I can see right through your smile. You're hurt." He said.

I felt tears roll down my cheeks. I was frustrated of crying all the time. "Don't cry Please. It hurts me to see you like this." He said. "Why? Why Jake? Why do I even matter to you? Are you blind? What do you even see in me?" I yelled at him. I was breaking down. I could feel my heart ache and my eyes were blurry.

"I like you Riley. I really do. I want to be there for you through all your difficult times. I thought this week was going to be horrible but since I've met you I've been glowing. I've been really happy. I have my own baggage too, but I want to carry yours. I want to help you Riley. You make me happy and I'm willing to do anything to make you happy." He came closer to me and wrapped his arms around me. I cried into his chest.

"It's so hard" I whispered. "I know, but I'm here" he whispered back, kissing my forehead. I felt secure in his arms. "I know you need your space. I promise I won't do anything like that again. Friends. Just friends." He said. I smiled at him as I wiped my tears.

"I'll be there for you. I promise" he said. "Thank you" I replied. He sat down next to me and asked me,"Put down your wall and tell me a little about what's happened in the past?" "I've been hurt, by my family, physically and emotionally. I've had my heart broken by my first love. I loved him to bits and he broke me down to pieces." I stopped there. I couldn't tell him anything more.

I had other problems, bigger ones but I could not speak of them. I didn't want to seem weak so I stopped right there. "Brave. That's what you are. To leave all that behind and come here. Wow" he replied. "That's what you call brave? I ran away. I ran away from my problems. I'm a coward" I said holding my head in my hands.

He pulled me towards him and wrapped me in his arms. "It gets better." He whispered into my ears. 'It gets better.' He had no idea what I was going through. 'Better' seemed to be far away. I pulled myself together and got out of his hold. I drank a sip of water and wiped my tears. "It's fine. I'm fine." I said and smiled at him.

"I'm sorry, again, umm I'm leaving today. I'm going to Raleigh" He said looking down at his feet. "WHAT? WHY?" I said looking confused. "Because, I have work there." He said still looking down. "Are you leaving because of me Jake? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..." He cut me off,"NO RILEY, ITS JUST WORK AND UHH WE'LL STAY IN CONTACT"

I didn't have feelings for him. I didn't. But I knew I was going to terribly miss him. I felt alive with him. I didn't want to be dependant on anyone but I felt like I needed him. "Alright" I said with a heavy heart. "I'll see you soon Riley." He said. I could hear the slight sobs in his voice. He hugged me tight and kissed my forehead. I shut my eyes and took it all in.

He picked up his bag and held my hands. He smiled at me and whispered,"Don't forget me. I'll call you Riley" I smiled back holding back my tears and shook my head. He let go of my hands and walked out the door. He turned back and took one last look at me and left.

I just sat there all alone on his bed, holding my head in my hands. I missed him, already. I assured myself that he would call me, that I would see him again.