Love In A World Of Hate (Carl Grimes Fanfic)

Chap 17: Unsure

He smiled his cheery smile, while cracking yet another joke,

I smiled back happy that Carl was sorta back. But I was still little terrified of him.

I flinched when he picked up my hand. I quickly pulled it away and he gave me a funny look. He frowned and scratched the back of his neck and looked sad.

"I-I uh... S-sorry" he said moving his hands into his lap and looking down.

"Ahh... No umm... It's okay I- uhh just need time to uhh... Ya' know warm up to ya" I stuttered.

"Ya I understand I guess... I- I wouldn't want to be around a monster either." He said remembering those words I said that night of 'the incident'.

"Wait! Carl I-"

He gave me one last hurtful, guiltiest, sad looks I've ever seen and with that he left the room. I sighed waited about ten seconds then got up to see no Carl I went everywhere looking for him.

The. Whole. Day.

I asked everyone even Rick they said they had no clue. They acted as if it was no big deal and everything was okay.

I decided to go to bed cause it was night and saw no Carl in our cell. I feel so bad... Like I just got hit in the head and trust me, I know what that feels like.

I didn't sleep that whole night thinking of what he said and what I said. Where could he have gone? Was this cause of me? Will he ever come back? Should I apologize? Can I ever forgive him? And most of all. Will he forgive me...?

I let go of ALL my thoughts and tried to sleep I marked my calendar looking for what to do. I drawn everything I could think of, I bounced a ball against the wall, I practiced any math I could remember, and I thought about life,

I draw my name and carl's, when I run out of things to do.

Amaya. D. Carl. G.

I looked at our names for awhile and added something.

Amaya. D. + Carl. G.=

I thought and thought. What were we friends..? Enemy's...? Strangers..? Walkers..? Hahaha no scratch that last one. Are we.... Lovers...?

What no! He hates me now and you sorta have to hate him.

I sighed and closed my eyes I eventually fell asleep and woke up with Carol waking me up like usual.

She was a mother figure to me sorta... She's also one of my last friends besides Lani but, I don't see her much she's depressed from Ashton's death; her boyfriend . Plus we live in different cell blocks and have different jobs, I miss her I really do.

"Hey sweetheart! Time to get up it's our turn to make breakfast!" She said trying to act excited.

This was a daily routine for me for the past 5 months Carol... Or Carl, woke me up so I could help around or as always make breakfast. So I was use to it and confused of her words.

"Isn't it always our turn to make breakfast..?" I said.

"Yeah... I guess... But, it makes things feel normal." She said but one word stuck out normal.

Now, we both know that nothing I mean nothing, no one or anything I mean anything is normal in this shit world. I just nodded and said I'd be down in a bit.

I put on my short sleeve black tank with my olive green cargo shorts and my famous black converse. I put my brown hair in a messy ponytail and headed down stairs.

I finished eating my eggs leaving my pancakes behind, I was about to dump when Carol came.

"Hey Maya! Don't be wasting food like that! You.. Know better look were running low on pancakes there's no more but 5 left can I have those 2?" She asked.

I just nodded and she took my plate with the kindest smile. I helped her serve the last few people with just 1 pancake left and two eggs. I only got one egg for breakfast and I have to admit I was hungry that's the first time I've ate in two days. She looked at me asking me if I wanted them.

"Do you want?" We both said at the same time. We laughed and I said,

"You have em' last time you let me have em' so I'm fine."

"Oh, Amaya! You have only ate one egg and the last time you ate was like three days ago!"

"No I refuse to eat them!" I say shaking my head.

She sighs and starts eating I smile and nod.

"So... Carol I've been wanting to talk to ya"

"Yeah, anything honey."

"I... Uhh... I think I like Carl but he left to lord knows where... And I think he hates me" I say looking at my shoes.

She smiled sweetly.

"Mmm... I think you should do what you think is right. But, you're 15, don't worry about anything you shouldn't. You're young"

I nodded and decided to look for Maggie.

"Hey Sweetpea!" She squealed with Glenn at her side.

"I was wondering if I could talk to ya'... Alone." I said eyeballing Glenn.

He put his hands up in defense and left at that.

She patted besides her motioning me to sit down I sat besides her and talk fast.

"IthinkIlikeCarl." I said.

"No really?" I nudged her and rolled my eyes.

"The thing is I think he hates me..."

"Oh sweetpea who cares! In this world you can do almost anything, Go get your man!" She laughs,

"Thanks Maggie!" I smile.

She smiled and I left,

now to find Carl.