i wish i could tell you that my parents understand me best
but atlas they do not
i wish i could tell you they know my limits
but again, they do not
i was raised in a household in which there was no thing such as pain
i was taught when you get hurt, you walk it off
i had always thought this worked
but recently a person i think high of spoke to me, someone who feels for me
he told me that whatever i'm doing doesn't matter if i'm hurt
if i'm hurt i would jeopardize myself
and that this would hurt in the long run
but i guess my parents weren't there when this happened
if i were to tell my father if i were hurting, he would say to sleep and i would feel better or that ice is the key
but no matter how much i did, it never worked
once i told him i wasn't okay and that i couldn't play
he believed that i was saying this to get out of the game
but i guess he didn't hear me puking in the room over
or that i had become very sick for the next 2 weeks
i would like to tell you that i've never felt fear when talking to my dad
but again that would be a lie
when he screams at me to do things in a very little amount of time, again and again disregarding how exhausted i am
or maybe when he expects so much of me
he expects me to make varsity soccer team this summer
but it is normal for girls my age to make the reserve team
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well shit that like made no sense
but i guess i wrote this to explain the amount of shit going through my head
basically like 30 minutes ago my dad was like "get this fucking room together, i'm coming back in 20 minutes and it better be clean"
even though the whole room was messed up when i wasn't here?
like all the clothes on the floor is from my mom looking for a cardigan that i never had
and all the bedding on the floor is from my sister cleaning the cages in my room
and meanwhile i am so mentally and physically drained to do anything
like i tried cleaning but i'm just so tired
or maybe the fact that it hurts my back to breathe?
and that every time i bend my legs it always hurts
like it's my first day back from a week long trip and he expects me to like clean the entire house that i wasn't here to mess up?
anywyas i'm going to go now since my back feels like crap and he expects me to play a double header at 8 am tomorrow
won't that be exciting
can you sense my sarcasm?
