Ocean of Tears

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At sunset, Phin decided to ask Hershel if he can band together a few of the men on the farm. The old man approved. Leading Phin to go around the house, prodding and plucking at anybody he thought was capable of fighting for themselves.

He'd only managed to get together Rick, Daryl and Glenn.

All of them coming together to create a plan, where they'd go out into the nearest town and collect supplies. Like medication. Because it seemed the farm was running out, and that put everybody at risk.

"So, I assume Shane isn't coming." Rick raised a brow. Staring at the younger man from across the table, on it was a map, with different routes highlighted or circled.

The said boy responded, "He's looking after Erik at the moment. We shouldn't leave her alone."

They all nodded, "Yeah if you think that's what best. I'll let him know."

It was silent for a second, before the group went back to discussing their plan. Phin made sure to grab a couple things for his girls, and it made him feel weird to address them as his. Because they weren't. Really. But he thought of Beth as a close friend by now, and Erik was practically family. Or a tumour on his leg that he couldn't rid.

"So, it's set."

Phin modded, "We're to leave at dawn."

He handed out copies of the map, messily scribbling down little notes and circling the same places as before. Wanting to make sure that everybody was on track.

Rick had also advised everybody to tell the others where they were headed, so there wasn't unneeded commotion in the morning.

So, Phin swallowed the lump in his throat when he went to approach Beth. She'd been hanging out with Stephanie most of the day, probably to braid hair, or whatever it was that teenage girls got up to in the apocalypse.

"Hey kiddo—"

When he opened her bedroom door he was more than correct, there she lay. On her bed with a book in hand, and Stephanie right beside her trying to fix the braid she'd put together. She could admit that she wasn't good at braiding, or any of the stuff that Beth liked, so she looked quite desperate to leave when she saw her friend open the door.

Phin swore her eyes lit up when she spotted him, like she was happy to be let free.

"Wow, you have great timing." She bit her tongue. "I was just finishing up. Maybe you can tidy it up?"

He sent her a death glare as she brushed past him hastily, and took a seat on the bed quietly.

"I'm leaving tomorrow." Was all he said, as he stared at the wall in front of him. He didn't need to look down at the girl to know that he had caught her attention. The news was going to prompt her to whine — because she always seemed to moan no matter what. "And if I don't come back you—"

She smiled, "You will come back. Everyone will."

That was a first.

Phin wanted to cry in frustration because she didn't understand. Something inside him wanted to snatch the book from her hands and tear the pages out. But that was unnecessary, and a little too harsh for just trying to prove a point. He wanted to be a memory, one that she would forget in the future. But it was proving to be difficult given the circumstances.

Leaving Beth to read the rest of her novel, and bathe in the comfort of her bedroom — he moved downstairs. Coming by the girls who had situated themselves in the kitchen, by Carol's side, peeling and cutting various vegetables for dinner. He took a look at them, a sad look that he tried to mask, and put on a smile.

Their chatter should've been like music to his ears, but it felt wrong. They seemed so positive, and Jazzmin was so happy to have finally recovered from her wound that she was laughing and doing little dances as she tended to the food.

When night finally fell, the house was sound asleep. Phin took this opportunity to sneak out of bed, and into Erik's assigned room. He knew very well that Shane would've wandered off into his own room by now. So he took the chance and was quiet as possible.

Pressing his hand against the door, he opened it gently, feeling the cold breeze hit his face. Shane left the window open.

Deciding to leave the light off as to not attract any attention to himself, he perched beside her. His hand wandering on the mattress until he felt her hand, warm and soft. Almost instinctively they intertwined.

"I love you." Were the only words he could managed to find. Tears threatened to spill as he gazed at her through the dark, and without any light, he could still trace her features.  "I love you, and I'm sorry."

Phin was sobbing now, and he felt like it was the hundredth time. He couldn't stop and had to pull himself away to catch his breath. They were quiet, but they made his heart hurt and his bottom lip quiver.

"Goodbye..."

He left the room in a hurry, vision still blurring from weeping. Phin grabbed the map he left on the table in the study, and made sure to slow down when he walked in the halls, because the house was old and creaked.

When he went to grab his bag, everything became too real. And he had to lean against the wall to steady himself.

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