We flew from New York to Gary Indiana overnight to be with my father. I had a full team of support with me, because I was heavily distraught, but I just needed to see my father and say my goodbyes to him. Part of me knew that he was going to go, but the other part of me didn't want to let him go. He was a great father and although he was harsh at times he loved his children, and he molded us into what we were today.
We stepped off the plane and headed to the hospital. Denzel held my hand the entire way as he held Eissa who was sleeping in his arms. Once we got in the hospital I went right to the front desk.
"Hi, I'm here to see my father, Joseph Jackson. Can you tell me what room he's in?"
The lady at the front desk ignored me as she continued typing on her computer.
"Hey, excuse me? She's talking to you. What room is her father in?" Denzel tapped on the desk trying to get her attention.
"Dunk." I turned to see Randy coming my way.
"Steven, what is going on? Why won't they tell me anything?"
"Yeah, about that they're not letting anyone see him."
"What do you mean by that? That's my father. They can't not let us see him."
"I know that, and we all know that. Trust me we feel the same way you do. We're trying to get it worked out now. I don't really know why or what's going on, but all of the family is here."
Denzel sighed as he grabbed my hand. He and I went to sit in the chairs a few feet over. He laid his jacket down on the bench before laying Eissa down. He then pulled me into his lap as he took a seat down in the chair. I laid my head against his as he held me.
"How are you feeling?"
"Really sick. I don't know how else to explain these emotions that I have."
"Mama, I don't need you stressing. You know that stress isn't good for you or our baby."
"I know that daddy, but I can't help it. I just really need to see him. I don't know what will happen if I don't get to say goodbye." Denzel put his head on mines as I inhaled and exhaled slowly.
"I can hear your heart beating erratically baby. Tell me what's on your mind."
"I just really need him to be okay. I've lost so much in my life. I don't know what will happen if I lose him to. I'm not ready to face that possibility." Denzel held me tightly as tears began to weld up in my eyes.
"I know that, but one thing I can promise you is that I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to be here for you just like you where there for me when my mama passed. Won't nothing change."
I nodded my head as he wiped the tears that fell down my face. I put my face in his neck as he laid back. I heard a scream, and judging by the sound I knew that it was my mother's. I tried to look up, but Denzel wouldn't let me. That only confirmed my theory.
My father was gone. I began to sob as he rocked me back and forth in his arms. This was very surreal.
The worst part was that I didn't even get to say goodbye.
*******
- The Funeral -
Denzel's P.O.V
I sat in the church with Janet as the homecoming service for her father went on. It was obvious that she was in pain, and hurt deeply. But she was trying her best to be calm about it. She tried her best to be strong for Eissa, but she didn't have to be strong because I was there with her.
The service went by pretty fast. Afterwards her father's casket was carried out and we went to his burial. I watched her as she held Eissa. She was asked to take a picture with Eissa and she did.
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Afterwards I continued holding Eissa as she got emotional again.
"You gone be okay baby?"
"Yeah, I just hate that I didn't get to say goodbye to him. He was a great man."
"You might not have had the chance then, but you do now. Go ahead and say what you need to say to your father baby."
Janet nodded her head as she walked up to her father's casket. I held Eissa as I watched Janet sniffle.
"Joe, you were a great man. I know that we didn't get a good understanding of each other, and we never really got along. But the one thing that always remained was my love for you. I know that you tried your best by us. You loved us to the best of your ability and for that I thank you. Rest easy in Heaven daddy, tell Michael I said hi, and save a spot for me up there."
I walked up to her with Eissa as she shedded a few more tears. She kissed Eissa's check as she wrapped her arm around mine. As we began to walk towards the car what felt like a million cars pulled up out of nowhere and as they got out I sensed that it was photographers.
"Ms. Jackson, is it true that you're sleeping with your background dancer?"
"Ms. Jackson, you're carrying the child of someone younger than you. How does that make you feel?"
"Ms. Jackson, the cougar."
"Ms. Jackson, you're disgraceful sleeping with someone significantly younger than you."
She was bombarded with millions of questions as we were rushed to her car service. This was a complete nightmare. How did our secret get out? This was a complete and total nightmare for her.
Most importantly now that the secret was finally out what did that mean for us?
