You helped, really.

Onze

Much like promised, I find myself waking up in the middle of Momo and Mina's bed, with one by each side of me. I have no idea how it came to this, honestly, last thing I remember was getting sleepy while watching a movie last night.

And here I thought my mothers were clingy, Mina seems to not understand that two bodies cannot occupy the same space, hence, I'm being squeezed by her koala grab on me. Whereas Momo, seeming like not wanting to lose, managed to hold as, if not more, tight than her girlfriend.

I seriously need to talk personal space and, more importantly, comfort for guests with these two. I mean, I love them, but this is a bit much, or I just need to pee and they are not budging, that could also be it...

"Okay, I'm gonna need you two to let me go." I say, trying to squirm out of their embrace.

"Be a good girl and stay quiet." Mina says half asleep.

"Shhh sleep." Momo manages to mumble out.

"Okay, unless you two have some questionable tastes, I need to pee, like, right now."

"I'll accept it all." Mina says, making Momo laugh and me question some things.

"We will share it." Momo chimes in.

"Okay, I'm getting up now." I pull my last ounce of strength to get up, and manage to get to the bathroom safely.

The rest of the morning routine goes as well as it could, with me making breakfast as an excuse to not go back near them anytime soon, and Mina shooing us from the house, saying she would take care of the clean up.

Today is rather stressful for me, it is a therapy day. I hate those, but moms forced me into it, and I think I should, at least, do something about the mess in the attic. At least, now, it's just once a week, when I started it would be everyday, from monday to saturday.

I head to Dr. Tuan's office right after lunch, it usually takes two hours for this, with the round journey. Ugh, I don't like it here, the lady at the front desk seems to not like me, and the ambient flavoring she uses is always too strong.

"Miss Chou, Dr. Tuan will see you now." She finally announces.

"Jihyo, have a seat."

"Good afternoon, Dr. Tuan, how have you been?"

"Didn't I tell you to stop treating me so impersonally?"

"Well, yes. But I already told you that's not going to happen."

He sighs, readies his stopwatch and gets his notebook before taking a seat in front of me, signaling I should start talking.

"This week we had a selection for an intern program at the company, and Rosé, remember her? Well, she and her companions were applying."

"Did it trigger anything?"

"I don't know, I guess, I was too worried about keeping Momo from beating them up to concentrate on what they meant."

"And why was tending to Momo so important to you at that moment?"

"Well, I like her, and I had already hurt her a lot because of those people. So, I guess, I wanted to make sure she was well, more than I wanted to pay attention to them."

"So, how do you feel about them appearing before you, now?"

"I don't know."

"Think about it for a moment. Just say anything that comes to mind."

"Well, Lisa betrayed me when she told Rosé I was interested on her, at some point, but I don't think any of the two were ever that important. Jennie and Jisoo were always the ones who would show up now and then, but I never saw them as anything more than people who talked to Lisa. But, I don't really feel I was betrayed, because these things didn't play that much importance anyways."

"Very well, then tell me about your breakdown as you see it today."

"It's hard to say. At the same time I think it was just an overreaction and my trauma being triggered at the same time. When she screamed at me that I was a fat loser in front of so many people, I was the beat up little girl crying in the alley again. Not that they were anything to me at that point, but her words triggered those memories, and I couldn't really get myself to stop anymore."

"That is a normal reaction, given your past. You shouldn't be ashamed that it happened."

"But I am, I hurt people, and they didn't have anything to do with that. They didn't beat me up just because they could, they weren't the one who broke my arms more than I could count. They were the ones that helped, the people that were with me, and I hurt them."

"Does any of them blame you? Has any of them held you accountable for it?"

"No, but I have. I can't forgive myself for lashing out like that, I did just like those people. I hurt them for nothing."

"Jihyo, we talked about this. You can't keep blaming yourself for this. And you can't keep trying to bury your past and pretend it's not there. I asked if you could talk to Momo, how did that go?"

"I did talk to her, but I didn't tell her why I hurt her yet. I told Mina, Momo's girlfriend, about the incident as well. I thought I should tell her why I had hurt the one she loves, at least."

"That's great, that's progress. You don't have to force yourself to talk to anyone. But I think you like Momo, and looks like Mina as well."

"I do. I feel good when I'm with them, they make me feel happy, somehow safe, as well. Last night was the best sleep I had since the incident, thanks to them. I didn't even need the medication."

"They went to your house?"

"No, I was invited to their house. And..."

"Don't trail off like that. You can say it."

"I don't remember how, but looks like I slept with them, on their bed."

"Well, that escalated quickly."

"Not like that. I mean sleep, sleep. We were sitting on their living room watching a movie, after diner, when I started to get sleepy. I don't remember dozing off, but I woke up in their bed with them hugging me very tight."

"Seems like they like you very much as well. That's good, no?"

"It is. And I have been thinking of talking to them. I talked about it with my mothers, and they said they will support me, whatever my decision is. But..."

"You still don't know how to tell them?"

"Yes. I mean, no, I don't know how to tell them. I feel I can, but I don't, at the same time."

"That's okay too. Just think about it, really think about it. It's who you are, do you want them to know you? The real you?"

"I-I think I do, but it would be the real me, not the young genius who makes cool games."

"Then, talk to them. Get to know them better, and decide if you should open up or not. Don't rush, just take it seriously, can you do that?"

"Definitely. I'll do that, Dr. Tuan."

"Great, see you next appointment?"

"Not next week?"

"No. I'm taking it down to two times a month. You have been progressing well enough lately. But do call me if anything happens. And, I would like you to give my phone number to Momo and Mina, since you are around them a lot, they should have it too."

"Okay. I will. They already have my parents' number, though."

"That is great, but, in case your parents are not close enough, or get held up, give it to them as well. It will give me peace of mind."

"Alright, Dr. Tuan. See you again."

"See you soon. I'll text you when the next appointment will be."

"Thanks. Have a nice day."

Leaving the Dr.'s office, I can't stop thinking about what he said. I think I should have a sleepover with the Myoui couple this weekend. It can't hurt to know them better, and, maybe, I could tell them a little about me as well. But, let's not jump the gun and just let things happen.

Oh boy, this is going to be a challenging one.