The Secret Life - Sex and Blood anyone?

Sex, Secrets, and Lies ((Part 10))

A mother and a child share a special bond. They say when a mother sees her baby she will automatically know what to do, a maternal instinct and then everything will be okay because woman have been having children for thousands of years and it has always worked out in the end.

Well whoever said that was full of shit - that or I just didn't have the maternal instinct. When Jas woke up in the middle of the night crying, I would try and comfort her; I'd rock her, give her a bottle, burp her, talk to her - I tried everything and I got nothing, she just kept on crying. And then Jace would swoop in, he would scoop her into his arms and cradle her against his chest and she would just fall right back to sleep like she knew where she belonged and it was with him.

I probably should have been more jealous than I was, but I couldn't muster up the amount of emotion jealously took to be jealous. I would just watch them together from a distance and wonder if I would ever be able to love her the way I should love her. Doc said it would all be fine, that she had just bonded with Jace while I was gone, but really, I hadn't been gone for long. Surly that wasn't long enough for her to forget me, was it?

Tonight was the third night I was home. In these three nights it has been almost as if I was here, but not really here. Every thing I do, every move I make its almost like I'm on auto-pilot and someone else is controlling my body. I haven't felt like myself in a while...hell, who am I kidding? I haven't felt like myself since I was in that room with James, fighting him because that's who I was...am. I was bred and raised to be a fighter, not someone who sits in the house and makes baby bottles, wondering when the enemy will come from hiding next and attack.

It was that third night that I became restless and curious. I keep asking Jace about the hunters and he keeps giving me vague answers, he keeps making excuses not to go see them. I know he's lying because I know Jace. I waited; at midnight Jas started crying, like usual. I heard the door to her room open and close, Jace was in there with her now and he would probably stay with her for the rest of the night, that's just how he was. When she cried he was there, giving into her every whim. She didn't know it yet because she was far too young but that baby had him wrapped around her little finger.

I went towards my window and dangled my feet over the sides. It was a long jump down from two stories up but not something I haven't done before. I probably could jump out and grab the tree branch but I didn't want to scrap my hands and alert Jace to my leaving, he would smell my blood and he would come check out what was wrong.

I jumped, and my feet made impact with the ground with a soft 'thud'. I bent my knees so they wouldn't absorb the full impact. I took off running, watching the trees fall behind me and enjoying the stretch of my muscles, it was only a few short seconds before I was joined by another presence. Bebe had braved the fall and jumped from my window as well, she was now running next to me, her tongue lopping from the side of her mouth. I had noticed earlier that she had put on some weight, probably from living with Jace and not hunting, hunting was her life, like mine.

She didn't seem winded as she ran though, she kept up good pace with me. I reached the road in ten minutes and then took it and followed it into town, towards Jace's old apartment. I was confident that Jace wouldn't check on me again tonight, he was so absorbed in her to notice what I did much anymore, but I guess that was fair. I had been doing my best to ignore him.

I woke up once, on the couch, with my head in his lap and totally freaked. He's done his best to limit our contact. Once when Doc and him didn't think I was listening I heard them discussing me; Jace was worried, he wondered why I wouldn't let him touch me, hug me, kiss me. Doc said it would probably take time and that I was probably healing, grieving. Doc understood.

In another half hour I was at Jace's old building. I hadn't really been exerting myself so the run took longer than it should have, but I didn't mind. The whole point had been to get out of the house and now that was accomplished. I took the stairs two at a time, with Bebe right on my heels and went to Jace's room. The door was locked, no surprise there. I don't know why I had tried his room first, maybe for old memories? Maybe because I was curious if the place still looked the same, who knows? I went to Paige's room next.