The Secret Life - Sex and Blood anyone?

Sex, Secrets, and Lies ((Part 11)

Apparently caring for a baby is a lot harder than I bargained for. Jas had gotten herself onto a nocturnal schedule thanks to Jace always being up and around and for the next month we were trying to get her back onto a normal human one.

She really enjoyed being outdoors so whenever I would go on my evening walks I would wrap her up in her blanket and take her and the dogs with me. She especially had a fondness for the horses, which the horses seemed to return.

As for me...I was really trying. I tried to make the connection to everything in my life and it just felt like the emotions were no longer there, I could no longer access them. I knew the bond between Jace and I was still there, but after everything I had been through it was like I had shut it out so much that I could no longer re-open the portal. I wondered sometimes if the feelings I had for him were ever real or if they were just a side-affect of the bond.

Whenever we ran out of supplies Jace always volunteered to go to the store...I wondered if he was secretly meeting with Anna, though I really couldn't blame him. She was beautiful and fragile and so totally into him. If I was him I would want that attention to.

The council left...or at least they wanted us to believe they left, I wasn't going to let my guard down that easily. They said they would be waiting for our decision and to contact them when we were ready, though they never gave us a contact number so I don't know how they hell they expect us to...

And then there's the whole James thing. I know he's still out there, I can feel it in the pit of my stomach. Maybe that's the reason I've been so reserved with Jace and Jas and even my dogs. Maybe I know that I've let myself take everything in my life for granted and get attached and that I know that it can so easily be taken from me. I know that's a selfish excuse but what can I say? I've always been a selfish person.

But it was the nights, when I'm laying in bed along with way too much time to think, too afraid to go to sleep because of the nightmares that come with it. It's those times that I really think about the council's offer.

Safety and freedom from this horrible curse bestowed upon me from an evil vampires blood. But not just that, but a behind-the-scenes look and insight with the council and the ability to steer them clear of Jace and Jas. That would be worth it, if I could keep them safe. But I don't think I could leave them, not again, I'm not sure if I'm strong enough or not, and that's what scares me the most.

~Jace's POV~

Cheyenne would be mad if she knew what I was doing, but really there was nothing wrong with it...I knew the guilt I felt every time I left the house was for nothing; it's just, she's been so distant and closed off, I can't even connect with her through our bond anymore, and I just want to be able to talk to her.

Anna provided that greatly needed conversing time. I could probably go out with the hunter guys and feel a heck of a lot less guilty, but for some reason I liked the normalcy I felt when with Anna. It was almost like for once the world wasn't on my shoulders -ending- and I could relax and have a regular conversation...well, if a regular conversation consisted of which baby stuff was the best to buy and how Jas should be developing next month. It was weird, I never saw Anna with a baby but she knew so much about them. Cheyenne had told me that she'd let Mia know about Jas but I wasn't sure which of the other hunters knew about her yet, nor did I feel safe openly discussing her with them -another problem I didn't have with Anna.

She really wanted to meet Cheyenne, get to know her, and see Jas again; but I didn't feel comfortable bringing her home. What would I say 'hey Cheyenne, this is the girl that I spend a few hours a week with talking about our daughter since you wont speak to me, she really wants to get to know you.' Yea, I'm sure that would go by well.