It's September and I need a roommate. I couldn't live in the dorms anymore. I was fed up of being paired with idiots. I was done sharing my kitchen and my bathroom with an entire floor. When I signed the lease for my apartment, I did it with the guy...
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It's May and Eloise comes to drink at our apartment.
Holt is drinking with us too, and we're all pitifully drunk way too quickly.
Holt is actually asking stuff like since you guys are twins, did it take eighteen months for your mom to give birth to you. I mean, technically that's the kind of thing he would ask not even drunk because Holt is a little bit slow something, like he'll say stuff and I'll be thinking Oh honey, no. If I'm being honest though, I think it's one of his most endearing traits.
"I think I should get a cat," Eloise says out of the blue. She hasn't had a boyfriend in a little while now, just a string of random booty calls so she thinks she'll die an old maid. She's working as cop now. She's not a detective yet because there is no opening at the moment so let's just say we're both a little disappointed with where our lives are headed. It's probably why we've been drinking so much. Our parents would be proud of their future alcoholic children.
"God, don't get a cat. I hate cats. You remember Jace?" I tell her.
She frowns. "Jace?"
"You know, the dude with the cat?" Wow, I am a master of elocution. "Mr Mittens that he fondly called Mitts? When we had sex, Mitts would just stand in a corner and watch us and I told Jace, could you please get the cat out of the room and Jace said and I quote, It's fine, let him watch"
Eloise spits out some of her drink. "What the actual fuuuuuuck?"
Holt is laughing a little too much. "What kind of weirdoes do you sleep with?"
"Well, they can't all be stellar lovers like you Smooches." I blow him a kiss.
Holt raises his glass in agreement. "You know it, Boo."
And because my sister is drunk and she has less filter that I would need her to have, she asks, "Holt, tell me honestly, are you just a little bi curious?"
"What?" He laughs. "No."
"Not even just a little bit, like just the tip curious," she asks, her thumb and index showing a small length, while she leans on her elbow, the fingers align right in front of her eye.
"I find absolutely nothing attractive in a penis. My own kind of grosses me out to be honest, so I really don't see the appeal in playing with anyone elses," he looks at me, "No offense."
I take a long sip of my drink. "None taken, I think vaginas are boring, they're just this weird slip. Or like maybe the portal to a hell dimension. I've heard some have teeth."
Lolo glares at me. "Die in a hole Eli."
I blow my sister a kiss. I try to stay casual and act like what Holt said didn't actually hurt me.
So, I know he isn't gay. Obviously. But I've had this crazy fantasy, one I don't care to admit out loud that one day Holt is going to come into my room and say something like I just really want to know how it would feel and then just have his wicked way with me. I've concocted dozen of different scenarios in my head.
Because there's this small hopeful, delusional part of me that thinks that Holt might be interested in men. In me.
But he'll never be interested in men. He'll never be interested in me.
