It's September and I need a roommate. I couldn't live in the dorms anymore. I was fed up of being paired with idiots. I was done sharing my kitchen and my bathroom with an entire floor. When I signed the lease for my apartment, I did it with the guy...
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It's February and I'm officially Ben's boyfriend.
A few days after the whole Max incident, I went over to his place and we had a long talk.
And after one year of seeing each other, we're finally dating.
It's not as exciting as I thought it would be.
We're boyfriends now but nothing... changes. We keep doing the exact same thing we've been doing. I don't know why I thought that officially calling Ben my boyfriend would magically change things.
For a second I don't even know why I'm still seeing Ben.
It can't be only because of the sex. The sex is good, but it's not that good. It's mind blowing, but I also often end up pissed off after having sex with him. We've never made love together. It's only ever been sex. More often than not I feel like some kind of receptacle for Ben's lust or Ben's anger. I'm just a tool he uses to get off. Sometimes it feels like he doesn't even see me. He's just fucking something, not me. He'll press my face against something or hold me in some way and I'll feel like I'm just some cheap hook-up. It doesn't feel like I'm someone he cares about.
Maybe I want for too much.
And I've wanted Ben to agree being my boyfriend for so long that I can't just give up now.
I've finally gotten what I wanted. And I want this to work. I need this to work.
