It's September and I need a roommate. I couldn't live in the dorms anymore. I was fed up of being paired with idiots. I was done sharing my kitchen and my bathroom with an entire floor. When I signed the lease for my apartment, I did it with the guy...
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It's August and I take Holt to see a shrink.
I think it will be good for him to talk with someone, that's not biased, that doesn't know him and that Holt doesn't have any kind of attachment to.
It's often easier to open up with strangers. It's not dangerous to open up to a therapist. They're not going to use your weaknesses against you in an argument. It's not about them. They won't judge you because they don't know you. And ultimately they don't really care about you, so they have no expectations. It's safe.
I want Holt to open up with me, but baby steps. He's open up to me very slowly in the last five years we've known each other. It took him four years to tell me about his mom. I don't think that Holt distrust me, I just think he worries that I'll be disappointed in him or judge him.
Holt doesn't really want to go in the beginning, but I manage to convince him. Just one time, just to try and see if it can help.
The doctor is a young guy that specialises in helping people from the LGBTQ community. Apparently he's really good.
I drive Holt to the consultation and I stay in the waiting room during his whole session.
Two hours later Holt is out and he looks fine. I don't press him with questions, I just smile at him and lead the way back to my car.
When we're stopped at a red light I ask, "So, do you think you want to go again?"
I see him shrugging. "I'm not sure. I think it's a little expensive to just talk about my feelings."
"Did it help?"
He shrugs again. "I think a little..."
"Well, then that's money well spent."
"I just think..." he takes a deep breath, "I should be talking with you about these things not a stranger... Actually, the doctor told me it would be good, to open up with you about what I'm thinking."
I smile at him. The light turns green, I start driving again. "And nothing would make me happier than that, but once again, no rush Smooches. You talk when you want."
"I said kids at school used to call me Dead Skin. They used to call me Shit Stains too."
"What?"
"My moles. They said my chest was like when you have violent diarrhea and it splashes everywhere."
I park the car on the side of the road because I think I'm going to be sick. What the fuck was wrong with the people he went to school with?
And suddenly, Holt finally starts opening up, "The first time I took a shower with the other kids in my class in high school and the guys saw that I wasn't circumcised; they made a huge deal out of it. My father didn't want me and my brothers to be circumcised because he said that was a Jew thing and he wasn't raising Jews."
