It's September and I need a roommate. I couldn't live in the dorms anymore. I was fed up of being paired with idiots. I was done sharing my kitchen and my bathroom with an entire floor. When I signed the lease for my apartment, I did it with the guy...
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It's June and Holt's family are finally pulling the plug on his mom.
Holt asks me to come along, like I might actually say no, like I could ever say no to him.
The ride to the hospital is painfully slow and quiet. Holt is silently crying beside me. I wouldn't normally do this, but I take his hand in mine.
"It's going to be okay Holt," I tell him.
He just nods and wipes his tears with his free hand. And he squeezes my hand back.
Once we get to the hospital, his family is there. Grandmother and aunts and uncles.
His god damn father is here. He looks exactly like I thought he would. Trucker hat, mullet, beer gut, shorts that slowly fall down and he keeps needing to pull up, high white socks, cigarette stained fingers... He completely ignores Holt.
I can't believe a trainwreck like that had a son as beautiful inside and out as Holt. He doesn't deserve to have Holt as a son. I really really want to choke him to death, but I shouldn't be causing a scene.
Only two of Holt's brothers are here. The third one had to keep manning the shop apparently. I can't believe that anyone would be okay with not being there went his mom dies.
One of the brother's looks a lot like his father, the other kinda looks like Holt, like a cheaper version of him, sort of. That one talks to Holt a bit, and Holt doesn't look like he'll throttle him, so maybe he kinda got along with that sibling.
They only let the family in the room, so I wait outside, but the door is open so I keep my eyes on Holt.
It doesn't happen automatically, his mother's passing. They stop the respirator and she doesn't flatline right away. It takes a little while. And each more seconds are agonizing to Holt, I can see it from here.
His whole body is clenched, his jaws, his fists, it looks like he's shaking. I want to go up to him and hug him and tell him it's going to be okay again, but I can already imagine what his father would say.
Finally it happens. The aunts and grandma start crying. They shuffle out, talking with the doctors about arrangements. Holt doesn't move. He stays in the room. His father too.
He spits on the ground, actually fucking spits, "Good riddance. Fucking disgrace, the lot of you," he mumbles.
I didn't know I could ever feel that kind of rage. It's like a slow fire in the pit of my stomach. I take a step to go into the room and scene or no scene, I don't give a shit, I'll kill him, I will.
But Holt choses that exact moment to look up at me, from over his father's shoulder and he shakes his head ever so slightly.
"She's rid of you now. She's lucky," Holt tells his father and walks away from him.
I have no idea how he did it, just walking away like that.
Holt smiles sadly at me and goes to his grandmother. They talk a little and hug.
His father leaves with his brothers. I debate following him and beating him up.
My phone decides to ring at that moment. Saved by the bell, huh?
It's Ben. "Hey, wanna come over tonight?" he says when I pick it up.
"Sorry, I can't I'm at the hospital with Holt," I answer.
"Are you hurt?" Ben automatically asks.
"No, we're fine, it's a family thing. Sorry. Rain check?"
I hear him take a deep breath and answer, "Yeah... sure." I can feel a slight annoyance in his voice. It's nothing too obvious, but it's there. I get it, he's probably angry that I'm with Holt and being cryptic, but this isn't about him and it's not about my feelings. It's about my friend hurting.
All I'm thinking is, Holt was here first. He put the time and effort. You're going to have to work a little harder than this Ben, if you want me to move on from Holt. You don't get to just suck a dick and become number one. That's not how it works.
I feel like a very bad person thinking this, but I've never thought of myself as a good person. I know I'm a shit person, epecially when it comes to Holt.
"See you soon," I tell Ben and hang up.
Holt finally joins me. "Everything alright?" he asks, looking at the phone in my hand.
I smile at him. "Yes. How are you holding up?"
He sighs. "Barely."
I put my hand on his shoulder. "Come on, let's get out of here. Let's go home."
