ace rants

I've returned

Sorry I was gone y'all, I was on a school trip. I have a big rant that I've been kind of collecting for the past few days, so here it is:

~Spoiler warning for Wicked the musical if you don't wanna know what happens~

So we saw Wicked on Wednesday, and it was good, but you know how the point of the musical is to show the Elphaba's a compassionate wonderful human. And guess what happens! She gets a boyfriend who does her and they run away and make out and hide together far away from everyone else. And I'm pissed. Because there was someone out there who asked themselves how they could gain sympathy for a villain. And it wasn't enough to have her support and fight for animal and minority rights. She needed a love interest. To complete her characterization, they thought it was necessary to include that she was in a conventional romantic/sexual relationship.

~spoiler warning is over~

Then the next night we went on a cruise. In the beginning, it was all fun and stuff and I talked to a lot of my friends. Except ten of them are dating. So instead of having a conversation, they did the thing where they sat down and the guy put his arm around the girl. I can manage well enough with that if I just don't look at them, but one of them even went and kissed each other and I was super repulsed and I'm highkey getting disgusted thinking about it. And instead having a conversation with even their bfs/gfs, they all just sat there cuddling. Which is fine, but its SO BORING. 

But imagine being surrounded by friends and instead choosing to just sit. And wanting to sit. Like close friends that you know you can have actually interesting conversations with, and instead you just want to sit next to somebody. That must be such an amazing feeling sitting next to them then (my friends generally like to talk and stuff).

And there weren't that many of us who weren't dating, and that numbers gonna go down and down and There Are No Asexuals so I feel like Imma be lonely forever just watching my friends get SOs and these past few days especially I just really want to be allo or at least grey or demi. I've also just felt super asexual if you know what I mean. Like I have had any of the usual "well what if you're secretly not ace?" thoughts or anything.

On the bright side, I think (hope) that one of my friends is ace because she also can't stand watching PDA, and I'm super happy bc she's one of my favorite people. Also my other friends who I've come out to have been super supportive about everything, But I still feel like I'm left out of this amazing experience or whatever.