ace rants

Why me

So my parents were being super transphobic today. My mom said they saw this documentary about and I quote "a couple that was heterosexual, they were heterosexual (those exact words smh) and then the man decided he was female so he was a girl, so the couple was lesbian. The the girl decided to become a guy and she had surgery so then they were heterosexual again. *Disapproving, annoyed tone* It was bizarre." 

I can't make this stuff up. My mom even acknowledged it was a documentary. And she wasn't going to even tell us because it was "so ridiculous and absurd."

I've tried to explain what it means to be transgender to her but she keeps refusing to try to understand it, and she's super close-minded about it. She keeps saying "well this didn't exist when I was a kid."

She might be one of those "I'm fine with homosexuality as long as my kid isn't gay" parents, but she's been pretty accepting of it. 

As y'all know, asexuality is pretty unheard of, so I don't know if she knows of it, and as I said, she's pretty closed-minded. 

I went to my room and cried after dinner because I've been on the edge about telling my parents, and I finally decided that they probably wouldn't care too much. I'd just explain it to them and they'd be fine with it. But they're so unaccepting of this stuff, and now I don't want to tell them, and I hate keeping this from them because they're my parents. I want them to know this stuff. 

Then I told my friend the story hoping she'd give me some support and say my parents would be accepting or something to make me feel better. Instead, she said that my parents wouldn't care that much if I was ace because then I like no one and if they were anything bad for sexuality, it would be homophobic. 

When I told her the problem wasn't that they thought it was "a sin," but that they didn't think it existed/was valid." And she kept insisting that they wouldn't think that. She's never even met my parents. 

I just want positivity and reassurance and I got the "you aren't oppressed" thing again. Why don't people understand that it also hurts to find something that describes you and when you tell other people about it, they tell you that that thing doesn't exist?

I'm not being kicked out of my house or beaten up, but it still fucking hurts. 

There was only one in a HUNDRED odds I'd be asexual. Only a 1% chance. And I'm asexual. There was an 80% chance I'd be cishet. Everything would be easier if I was cishet. EIGHTY PERCENT ODDS. IT WAS SO LIKELY THAT I WOULDN'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS. SO LIKELY. 

THERE WAS A NINETY-NINE PERCENT CHANCE I WOULD AT LEAST BE ALLOSEXUAL. 

BUT NO I'M ASEXUAL. THE SEXUALITY NOBODY KNOWS ABOUT AND IS PORTRAYED AS IMMATURE AND CHILDISH AND BELONGING TO PEOPLE ON THE AUTISM SPECTRUM (That isn't bad, there's just a stigma around it, so people treat it as if it is bad). I GET THE SEXUALITY THAT'S STILL CLASSIFIED AS A DISORDER. 

I JUST WANT TO BE CISHET. 80% ODDS. BUT NO. WHY ME?