ace rants

Pretending

I've said this before, but most of the girls on my field hockey team are either basic or annoying. And by most, I mean there are like two who aren't. I like having friends, and I can't stand annoying people. Which leaves us with basic people. They're nice and all, but they talk about boys A LOT. 

A fun fact about me: I'm trash at lying. So if I tried to talk about guys, they'd easily be able to see I didn't have a clue what I was saying. Also, it's a slippery slope between conversations about attractiveness and sex, and I definitely couldn't fake pretending I wanted to hook up and do whatever allosexuals do.

If y'all want or need to pretend that you like guys at some point, I've learned a few things (This is pretty objectifying of guys, so just like be aware of that).

-Hair is very important. Apparently bad hair is a deal breaker 

-Blue or green eyes is nice, but not necessary. Guys can still be cute or hot with brown eyes, other colors are just a bonus.

-Abs aren't necessary but they are hot under any circumstance (I'm pretty sure). If you're dating a guy with abs then you're lucky??

-Cute and hot are different. Personally, I can usually tell if someone's cute, but I'm clueless when it comes to hotness. I don't know how people decide whether someone cute or hot or not, but apparently they want to cuddle with cute guys and fuck hot ones, so do what you want wit that information

-Girls have some part of a guy's body that they think is attractive (but I don't think it's in a sexual way). Some more common ones are collar bones and jaw lines, and I've heard Adam's apple a few times

-Always try to make yourself look better in front of attractive guys

-How much someone cares about acne depends on them. I've heard a lot of "They'd be cute if they had less acne," but that still means they're cute, just less so

-You can describe how a hot guy looks with a mixture of a gasp and a moan if you don't want to go into detail

-Go find yourself a popular eboy to have a crush on. So far, Chase Hudson and Neon Eubanks seem to be pretty popular, but they all look the same, so I think you can go with any of them

-They. Must. Be. Taller. Than. You. If you're super tall, you can just laugh and say you'd have no one left or something, but height is important. 

-Some people think a massive height difference is cute in a relationship

-Some only want their boyfriend to have a few inches on them

-Also, someone can still be cute if they're shorter than you, you just wouldn't date them

Also! How to figure out if a guy is attractive?

-I usually wait for someone else to say someone hot and agree with them 

-Alternatively point to a group of guys and say one's hot without specifying who. Whoever you're with will probably ask something to clarify like "the one in the orange sweatshirt?" and you can then agree with them

-If they're muscular and a teenager/young adult, odds are that your allo friends will think they're hot

-Bonus points if they're tall

-Most guys who play sports can be called attractive, but it's only a sure bet for football, followed by soccer

This has been your lesson on blending in with the allos! If you have more advice or advice on pretending to like girls, please add it