No girls allowed 4

86. Transparent

"You see! No one wants me!" said Renjun, some tears leaving his eyes.

"Renjun it's not, it's just... we can't," Jaemin shook his head.

"Of course you don't like me!"

"I do, ok I... I've never felt so much, even if I shouldn't tell you this, but you're not even fifteen. Do you want me to end up in jail?" asked Jaemin his lips moving up in a bitter smile.

"No, you won't because I like."

"What if you stop liking me one day?" Jaemin looked straight at him.

"No, you..." Renjun felt he's not able to breath, to think straight, Jaemin was just watching him for a longer time.

"What will Jae tell?" whispered Jaemin.

"He has told me I can love whoever I want to love," Renjun raised his voice.

"And you're choosing the wrongest person," Jaemin sighed.

"No, you're not!" Renjun walked towards him stopping at the bench. "Are you mad?" he asked.

"For what?"

"For kissing," Renjun blushes hard his heart speeding up, it was suddenly too hot around him.

"How can I be mad, it was..." Jaemin took his hands caressing them with his thumbs causing a lightning inside him. "I wish I could," he said looking up, their eyes meeting. "But there are some rules and I have to play according to them."

"What does it mean?" Renjun's chin was trembling dangerously some tears leaving his eyes, Jaemin used his sleeve to caress them off.

"Renjun please don't cry."

"Why can no one, just no one love me..." something heavy build up in his chest he suddenly couldn't breath at all. He felt as if his body will explode any second.

"Renjun sit down, take a breath and relax," Jemin pulled him on the bench when Renjun touched his chest fighting for air helplessly.

"I'm not rejecting you, never think so, I'm just asking you to wait for a bit. I will be here, be with you, help you with homework, take you on nice trips ok," Jaemin caressed over his hair gently. "And on your eighteenth birthday I'll come with a bunch of flowers and ask you to be my boyfriend, ok. Can you accept that?"

"It's three years and two months," Renjun felt his voice cracking.

"No one said we can't have a good time through that three years just not kissing, being best friends," Jaemin was watching him calmly his hand still caressing over his hair in a loving way. "Can you accept that?"

"No," Renjun shook his head looking at his shoes, anywhere but at Jaemin.

"Ok, let's call me your platonic boyfriend," said Jaemin causing him to look up.

"A what?"

"A boyfriend who will bring you lunch to school, help you with homework, hear you out, take you to fun places during weekends just not kiss you until you're 18. How about that?" Jaemin's eyes were serious when Renjun had no idea what to say.

Would it really be possible to go through such a hardship, wait so many years being with Jaemin but actually not with him. While he will have to watch Chenle and Jeno being happy in their relationships. Only because Jaemin was older.

"We can try it out if you won't feel ok about it you'll just tell me to leave and I'll never bother you again," Jaemin was watching him in the same serious way.

"I don't want you to leave, everyone I love is leaving me," Renjun cried louder when Jaemin hugged him tightly caressing over his hair and back gently.