Always

Chapter 62

Over the span of the next few days, Colby and I mainly stayed at his parents house, only venturing as far as the store down the road. Colby was extra clingy, and always decided to come with me, if I said that I need to leave for some reason. Every time we were outside the house, his eyes darted around, scanning the area for something. It made me anxious. Was this Johnny guy really that bad, to where he was scared for me to be outside the house or go to the store without him? If so, why would he ever be friends with someone like that? I asked him that on one of the days where we were sitting in the backyard, just enjoying the sun on our faces. His dogs Koki and Foxy were running around the yard playing, before they decided to join us. We were laying back on the half made deck, my head on his chest, his arm under me, around my neck, his hands playing with my hair.  He sighed heavily, his hands stilling in my hair, when I asked. I turned my head to see his face. His eyes were closed, his full lashes, casting a shadow on his cheeks. His teeth closed over his bottom lip, then released before he answered. "I don't know really. I didn't know that he was like this to begin with. We were all just stupid kids, with him being the oldest. He's about 5 years older than me, so when I was 14, he was 19. It was cool to hang out with someone older in our eyes. You know how kids see things. It was cool to be just a little bad and not get caught, to make others think that you were a badass, when in reality, you were just a dumbass." His fingers started sifting through my hair again, then he laid his hand against my neck. I could feel the coldness of his rings, soothing my warm skin. I looked away from him, thinking it might make him more comfortable to talk if I weren't staring at him. His shirt was riding up on his waist a little, showing a strip of skin and I couldn't help but to lay my hand there, pushing under his shirt. I started trailing my fingers across his abdomen, waiting for him to continue. After a few moments, he did. "He would defend us against other bullies, daring anyone to mess with us again. Sam and I, we got picked on a lot. The other guys too. I guess we were a group of misfits that were drawn together. Johnny made it possible for us to be able to walk down the hall, and others were turn their heads, afraid to look at us the wrong way. It made us feel powerful." I could see a young Sam and Colby, insecure and shy, being picked on for doing Vine, being in band, or just acting in a way that others might consider weird. My heart hurt for them. I could see how Johnny gave them confidence, even if it was in the wrong way. "We would turn our heads to the things that he would do. He was still a bully, shoving kids like us against lockers, taking whatever he wanted from them, knocking their books out of their hands..." He blew out a breath between his teeth. "We should have stood up for those kids, but we didn't. Johnny had chosen us and I guess it made us feel special. We didn't want that to go away. He started stealing from stores and getting us to do it too. Little things at first, a candy bar or a magazine, something like that. I remember when Jackson told him no the first time. Johnny gave him a black eye, and threatened to the same to his Mom if he didn't do and ever told him No again. That was when we started figuring out that we didn't have a choice anymore. He got us to do drugs, not just weed, but other stuff...I got to where I learned how to fake it and get rid of the evidence before he could tell. I was having a hard time at home around this time, because my mom could tell that something was wrong. I was afraid to tell her what it was though, because I was scared that he would come after her or the rest of my family. I had managed to keep Gage off of his radar up until then. He started using him against me, threatening him, picking on him school, if I dared to even think of telling him no. Sam and I discussed so many ways to get away from him, to get out of the situation that we were in. There was never anything we could do though." He stopped talking for a minute and I wasn't sure if he was finished or not so I lay still, my fingers still tracing random things on his stomach, feeling his muscles jump every now and then when it tickled him. "He got us to help him rob the liquor store before we left. We were 17 and 18, while he was 23. We use to hang out at the barn that Tess-that I mentioned before. He showed up there late one night, more drunk than I had ever seen him. We were all drinking a little, and smoking pot, but I'm not sure what else he was on. His behavior was so erratic, and just mean. He was out of liquor, had no money, and just wanted to steal it anyways. I remember when he pulled the gun from the inside of his jacket, how my heart dropped and how I was sure that my reflection was mirrored in Sam's face because he looked exactly like I felt. Scared shitless. Anyways, he wanted us to help him rob the liquor store, and it was Dylan who stood up to him this time. Told him that was going to far and he wasn't doing it. Johnny cocked the gun and put it right against his forehead and told him to say it again. I thought I was going to die that night, that he was going to kill all of us if we didn't do what he wanted, and he might have. So we robbed the store, stealing the money and several liquor bottles too. It was terrifying, but at the same time, that feeling of rebelling, and it being cool was there too."