Skyrim One-Shots

Galmar x Reader(Female Nord) ~This City Can't Hold The Both Of Us~

There was always no doubt that the Dragonborn would eventually join the Stormcloaks.

After Alduin's defeat, the mighty warrior freed Skyrim from the increasing vampire population, and then quelled one of their own kin brewing up trouble in Solstheim. They had saved countless Stormcloak men from the Empire on the travels, be it during a small skirmish or freeing them from Imperial forts and such.

The rumors of this person were... absurd to say the least.

The common gossip was that the Dragonborn was as tall as an Altmer man (taller than even Nordic folk), absolutely rippling with muscle, and the part which made it unbelievable, curves to rival Dibella herself. A woman. 

Now, Galmar was moderately fine with a woman being such a powerful figure so long as they were Nordic (and the rumors said she was), but with a stature as people described, absolutely not. The proportions were just wrong. He wouldn't believe it until he saw it.

The other sayings were that the Dragonborn was a mild-mannered, average hight vampire with a very dry sense of humor. The vampire part confused him. Others proclaimed the figure was a huge Nordic man decked out in full ebony.

Galmar believed the last one was the more likely of the three. 

However, he was proved sourly wrong when the Dragonborn entered the Palace of Kings, helm held together between an arm and a hip and an unkept bawl of hair at the back of her head. The span of her shoulders, even without the ebony no doubt, far outmatched his, and her face was sharp and chiseled and every bit Nordic a woman could be. She was taller than him, too, and taller than even Ulfric no doubt. She had to be in her, what, mid-thirties? 

There was a stunned silence both the Jarl and housecarl of Windhelm were struck with at her appearance, and another woman, brown-haired with amberish-orange eyes jogged in behind the absolute beast of a woman known as the Dragonborn. That was the vampire; barely stood at the other woman's chest!

"See, Serana, I told you. You owe me 20," the Dragonborn chuckled, shaking her head with a smile. 

The other woman snorted. "I'm waiting for your line, ____. I'm waiting. I know you're going to do it."

"Not yet, not yet," the taller Nord urged, "it has to be the right time, I'm telling you."

"Dragonborn," Ulfric finally addressed, voice like a rumble of thunder in the hall, and Galmar once more was impressed at the man's stoic face. "Welcome to Windhelm, and it's capital, the Palace of Kings."

The woman grinned. "I am sufficiently welcomed. Let's not wait time here, we both know why I'm here. I'd like to join. Where do you want to send me, bucko?"

"You'll have to speak to my housecarl, I, unfortunately, have a council of very displeased citizens spitting my name at the moment that I need to attend to. I'll take my leave," the man informed, motioning Jorlief with a single move of his hand while he stood from his throne and dipped his head when he passed her. An awkward silence filled when the doors slammed shut behind the jarl, and Galmar sighed while the woman approached.

"Galmar Stone-fist," she raised a brow, "right?"

He nodded, "Aye."

There was a pause.

"Talos be damned, I was not prepared for this," Galmar got out, shaking his head. "You're a whole 'lotta woman, Dragonborn, and I was not expecting it. Nothing is wrong with that, but holy fuck."

Her face lit with a devilish grin, and her companion, Serana it was, groaned. "I like you, Stone-Fist. I like you," she repeated, that grin of hers almost giddy, "you beat me to my own punch."

"You are disgusting," Serana growled, "you are not doing this, ____."

"What, that was your tagline?" he questioned, not missing her little play on words but wisely choosing to ignore it. "No shit?"

The Dragonborn snickered. "Yeah. It's pretty great, right?"

He snorted. "Fitting at the least."

The vampire let out a throaty scream. "____, you did not come here to trade your shitty jokes with the commander of the Stormcloak forces! Where do we need to go?"

"Serpentstone Isle. Kill an ice wraith and bring back its teeth," Galmar answered.

"You know, just because I like you, I'll bring you the teeth of two ice wraiths," the Dragonborn grinned sharply, "or maybe all of the damn things. We'll see."

"Would you stop trying to sleaze up the man, ____! Let's go!" the vampire hissed.

"But the seasoned are the best tasti-"

"Quiet!" the smaller woman yelled.

~~~~~~~~~~

this is my true and true crack fic right here

seriously, this is so bad

whatever

lol

dani out

adieu!