CONFESSIONS TO BENJAMIN [COMPLETED]

Thirty-two

NAPABUNTONG-HININGA si Marifa habang pinagmamasdan si Benj. She badly wants to talk to him right after the program pero naunahan siya ng ibang delegates. Kaya naman nagdesisyon siya na hintayin na lamang ito sa may labas ng events area kung saan may garden. Naupo siya sa may staircase at pinagmasdan ang mga bulalaklak ng lily habang unti-unti iyong sinasakop ng dilim. Ilang sandali pa at tuluyan nang pumanaw ang ingay sa loob ng events area at ang tanging naging malinaw na tunog nalang sa kaniyang tenga ay ang magagaang hakbang ng kung sino palapit sa kaniyang kinaroroonan.

"Hey," pukaw sa kaniya ni Benj. Sa kalagitnaan ng gabi ay mas malamig pa sa ihip ng hangin ang mababa nitong tinig. Naupo ito sa kaniyang tabi. "I was looking for you,"

"Sorry," hinging-paumanhin niya. "Mayro'n ka pa kasing mga kausap kanina sa loob kaya lumabas na muna ako."

Sinulyapan niya ito ngunit saglit lang. Agad niya rin uling itinuon ang kaniyang paningin sa malayong dako. Hindi ito tumugon bagaman sa kaniyang peripheral vision ay nakita niyang nakatitig ito sa kaniya.

"Marifa, last night, you were..." pagkuwan ay saad nito nang hindi na matiis ang katahimikang namamagitan sa kanila. "You were asking something to me,"

"Y-yeah, I'm sorry about that," napapalunok naman na tugon niya. "I know it's been years and I should just really forget about it. Pero alam mo 'yon? Sometimes, I just can't help but... wonder."

Sa pagkakataong iyon ay si Benj naman ang napabuntong-hininga. Back then, he turned her down without explaining her the reason. Alam niyang doon nag-ugat ang lahat ng sama ng loob nito sa kaniya. Maybe, it's time for him to set everything straight.

"Listen, I know I've been so unfair to you when I turned you down before without explaining you the reason. It's just that, I thought, it is better to left things at that. Wala akong kaide-ideya na nang dahil sa ginawa ko, mas nasaktan pa pala kita."

"I-it's okay," tugon ni Marifa na pinilit ngumiti rito. "Kasalanan ko rin naman. Alam mo 'yon? I should've just directly ask you why but I didn't. Natakot kasi ako, eh. Natakot akong malaman yung rason kung bakit ayaw mo sa'kin."

Natigilan si Benj. She maybe smiling but he could clearly see the tears glistens from the corner of her eyes. Kinuha niya ang mga kamay nito at hinawakan iyon.

"Wala kang kasalanan. You were perfect, okay? As a matter of fact, yung sandaling panahon na nagkasama tayo, I enjoyed every bit of that." sinserong sabi niya rito. "It's just that... I was so pressured in my studies back then. Napakataas ng expectation sa akin ni papa. I don't want to disappoint him kaya naman ipinangako ko sa sarili ko, gagawin ko ang lahat, para makapagconcentrate sa pag-aaral ko. I know having a girlfriend wouldn't help me, that is why when you suddenly confessed, I got scared. That fear eventually leads me to turning you down."

Pinisil ni Marifa ang mga kamay nito. For the last four years , she thought, there must be something wrong to her that made him turned her down. Ngunit sa inamin nito ngayon, tila may kung anong mabigat na bagay ang naiahon sa kaniyang dibdib. Bumalik ang tiwala niya sa sarili. She smiled at him.

"You know what? At the back of my head, alam ko naman ang bagay na 'yon, eh. Alam ko naman na pressured ka sa studies mo. I guess, I was just really insecure." napabuga siya ng hangin. "Napangunahan ako ng insecurities ko. It tricked me into thinking that there must be something wrong with me that made you turned me down."

"Hey, don't you ever think about that again, okay?" sabi nito sa kaniya habang direktang nakatitig sa kaniyang mga mata. "For me, you're flawless. You are the sunshine that can cheer up everybody with just one smile. You're perfect and will always be perfect in my eyes."

Natitigilang napatitig rito si Marifa. If he's just saying that to cheer her up, hindi na niya alam. It was the most beautiful thing someone has said to her and she can't believe that it came from Benj. The man she's in love with for almost eight years. Moved by his wonderful words, hindi niya napigilan ang sarili na yakapin ito.

"Thank you, Benj," naluluhang sabi niya rito. "Hindi mo alam kung gaano mo ako pinasaya ngayon."

Benj didn't say anything but he embraced her. He embraced her back, and for Marifa, that is enough.