CONFESSIONS TO BENJAMIN [COMPLETED]

Thirty-four

THE city was much more colorful during night time. Kahit saan sila lumingon ay balot ng sari-saring mga ilaw na nagmumula sa kung ano-anong establisyimento. They just stroll around, feeling the gentle blow of the wind against their faces, as they quietly absorbed the city's magnificent beauty.

"This is nice," wika niya kay Benj habang pigil-hiningang pinagmamasdan ang sari-saring palamuti at ilaw ng siyudad. "The lights kinda remind me of this particular Lantern festival at the campus where you joined and won a pageant."

"Oh, God," bulalas naman ni Benj na hindi naiwasang pamulahan ng mukha. "You watched me on that pageant?"

Napapangiting tumango si Marifa. Kahit ilang taon na ang nakalipas ay malinaw pa rin niyang nakikita sa isip ang imahe nito sa may entablado. She was so overwhelmed she almost punch one of the girls beside her.

"I knew you would win that pageant right from the start," nakangiting sabi niya rito. "Nakita ko kung paano nagningning yung mata ng mga judges especially when you played the guitar and sang "Forevermore" during the talent portion."

"Wow, how come you heard me singing twice but I haven't heard you singing at least a single line?" anito na humalukipkip. Nagpalinga-linga ito at pagkuwan ay nagningning ang mga mata nang mamataan ang isang karaoke bar di kalayuan sa kanila. "There, I say we settle everything on that bar."

Hindi alam ni Marifa kung paano siya nakumbinsi ni Benj. Basta't natagpuan niya nalang ang sarili sa loob ng naturang karaoke bar kasama ito. Maybe she just wants to hear his singing voice again or maybe she just plainly wants to spend more time with him. They ordered a few drinks, and when it's her turn, she sang M2M's "Pretty Boy" with all her heart.

"I lie awake at night, see things in black and white. I've only got you inside my mind, you know you have made me blind. I lie awake and pray, that you will look my way. I have all this longing in my heart, I knew it right from the start."

Sa isang iglap ay nanirawa ang lahat ng alaala ni Marifa sa binata noong nasa college pa sila. It was the song she used to sing when he passes her by in the hallway when he still have no idea about her. Ang kantang naglalaman ng lahat ng gusto niyang sabihin dito.

"Oh my pretty, pretty boy, I love you like I never ever loved no one before you. Pretty, pretty boy of mine, just tell me you love me, too. Oh my pretty, pretty boy, I need you. Oh my pretty, pretty boy, I do. Let me inside, make me stay, right beside you."

Itinutok niya ang paningin kay Benj habang isinasatinig niya ang koro ng naturang kanta. Nakita niya na titig na titig rin ito sa kaniya. It's as if he's absorbing the message that she wants to tell him through that song.

"I used to write your name, I put it in a frame. And sometimes, I think I hear you call, right from my bedroom wall. You stay a little while, and touched me with your smile. And what can I say to make you mine? To reach out for you in time..."

Sa pagtuntong uli ng koro ay hindi na niya naiwasan ang hindi masintunado. She was so overwhelmed by all her feelings for him that her brain is jamming. Napapailing nalang na bumalik siya sa kanilang upuan nang matapos ang naturang kanta. God, she can't believe that she just had her second confession to him through that song.

"See, that's what I meant when I said that the city might get disturbed when we do this," aniyang idinaan na lamang sa biro ang tensyon na nararamdaman. Kinuha niya ang inumin sa kaniyang harapan at inisahang lagok iyon. Nang hindi pa makuntento ay humirit pa siya ng isa. Wala siyang kaalam-alam na may halo pala iyong alcohol. "Goodness, my voice sounds horrible!"

Hindi naman nagsalita si Benj. He just give her a quizzical look. Parang may ibig kumpirmahin sa kaniya ngunit hindi magawa.

"You want to know a secret?" out of nowhere ay sabi niya rito. The alcohol obviously gets into her head. Sinalubong niya ang mga mata ni Benj. "I was there... at your graduation ceremony four years ago."

"What?" hindi makapaniwalang saad ni Benj habang titig na titig sa kaniya. "Nagpunta ka sa graduation ko?"

Not even aware of what she said, tumango si Marifa. Napabuntong-hiningang isinandig nito ang katawan sa kinauupuan pagkatapos. Parang nananaginip na tinitigan ang makukulay na ilaw sa kisame.

"Yes, I was there. I told myself not to go but I can't. Gusto kong makita yung pag-akyat mo sa entablado habang inaabot yung diploma mo." napangiti si Marifa na tila ba muling sinasariwa sa isip ang alaalang iyon. Mula sa mga ilaw ay sumulyap ito sa kaniya. "It was worth it, you know? It was so damn worth it seeing you in the middle of the stage while you're holding your diploma. Your smile back then was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my entire life."

Benj was speechless. He was obviously moved by what she just told him. Ilang sandaling nakatitig lamang ito sa kaniya bago pagkuwan ay itinaas nito ang dalawang kamay. He cupped her face as he planted a gentle kiss on her lips. Parang ang lahat ng alak na nainom ni Marifa ay bigla nalang nawala sa kaniyang sistema. Natulala siya at ilang sandaling nakatitig lamang kay Benj pagkatapos ng ipinagkaloob nitong halik sa kaniya. Sinubukan niyang ibuka ang bibig ngunit hangin lamang ang tanging lumalabas doon. Sa huli ay walang salitang tumindig siya at tinalikuran ito. Ngunit bago pa man tuluyang makalayo ay nakaramdam siya ng kirot sa kaniyang sintido. Then everything went black.