Expectations and Reality

Chapter 51 | DELUDED

And I tell myself, a moon will rise from my darkness.

Mahmoud Darwish

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The dim rays sipping through the blinds were the only source of light in the room. It was a little past 5am and yet Lina couldn't catch a glimpse of sleep. Her brown orbs were red and swollen.

Her head was still reeling from the event that unfolded nine hours ago. Her temperature was fluctuating and dizziness was taking control of her. Albeit her body was boozing with denial, she knew sooner than later she'd have to tend to a profound fever.

But that was her least concern!

She rested her head on the headrest as more tears welled up in her eyes and her throat went dry, she heaved and closed her lids. It was irritatingly burning, she immediately opened them and a little whimper escaped her lips. She clamped her teeth on her chapped bottom lip and yet again let loose the water that kindled her eyes freely down her face.

After failing significantly how hard she'd attempted to close her eyes in order to plunge in the depths of a dreamless slumber, she squeezed her palms against her thighs and made to rise. Her feet felt numb against the carpet, numb and sore. They felt as if she hadn't walked in days.

She limped to the restroom. She couldn't recognize the face that stared back at her through the mirror. Instead of the prepossessing eyes and supple lips, all she could see was redness. Her eyes, nose, cheeks were all puffy. She poured a handful of water to her face to ease her mind, but her body shrieked, the water was cold. It wasn't funny, it was rather calming, knowing that she hasn't yet reached the level where she can't feel a thing. At least her body still responds to such acts.

She rinsed her face again and went straight into the shower. She needed the cold water to run through her scalp, down to her feet, albeit the weather was freezing outside. Mayhap that would let her mind scream all the pain and anguish out. She desperately needed an escape from the thoughts clouding her mind.

With no second thought, Lina switched the water and it came down with full force. Going down her scalp, it felt relishing and calming as it soaks her hair. Once it made contact with her skin, she moved, it was freezing and her teeth were chattering already.

'Should I do this?' She silently asked her conscience. Without waiting for any debate, she went back under the cold shower. She hugged her body tightly as the water went down her skin. For once in hours, she was able to shut her lids with no pain and the tears came back again.

She screamed. She cried.

☆☆☆

12hours earlier...

Five days after the little misunderstanding between Lina and Khaldun, he was discharged. Even though they weren't on good terms, they only greet casually and just throw a sentence or two and that was all, Lina was elated when she learned that he was to be discharged that very day. She couldn't hide her excitement, not even to him.

Even tho' she was hurt, the fact that he was still not ready to open up to her, it tore her soul. She thought she was slowly becoming his comfort zone. She thought he'd openly rant her ears off about what was amiss so that maybe... just maybe, they might find the missing puzzle. She thought maybe he sees her as someone who'd always be there for him no matter how dark it gets, maybe he'd make her his constant equal...

'So many maybes.' She'd always reprimand her mind.

But when she realized she was the only one playing a part in that role, she blacked out of the fantasy she was always dreaming. He wasn't ready for that, yet. She wasn't angry with him, rather she respected his decision and let go of everything. She wouldn't budge again, not anymore. Everything's just a matter of time, one thing she knows for sure is that whatever it is he was hiding from her, whatever darkness he has down there, the sun will definitely lit everywhere with its undisguised light. It was just a matter of time!