Keeping Jemima

Do you still see me?

Jemima

I woke to my favourite sound in the world drumsticks heartbeat, I was in Max's bed his warm protective muscular drummers arms wrapped around me tenderly. I sat up looking around a little confused, we were alone in his room no sign of my brother or boyfriend or the other boys. I peeked under the covers to check I was fully clothed, Max woke up and saw me checking.
"You don't need to do that Emmy, it's me, I would never do that."
"Sorry max, force of habit"
"Come here Emmy" he pulled me back into a hug.
"How pissed are they?"
"Don't worry about it Emmy, The boys are talking some sense into their thick skulls."
"I'm sorry I got you in trouble"
"I'd do it again in a heartbeat Emmy, just to see that smile of yours." I buried my face into his shirt smiling, he felt me smile and stroked the back of my head. I kept my face hidden taking in his scent and warmth on my face. "Emmy? You alright down there?" Max laughed
"Mhmm" I hummed still not lifting my face
"Ok you fruit loop" max laughed making my head wobble on his chest when his body shook with laughter making me giggle.

"Life sucks" I mumbled into his shirt and he stopped laughing.
"Emmy you know everyday can be a max and Emmy day if you want it to be, all you've got to do is give me the nod and I can make that happen."
"I can't risk loosing you max, or Matty."
He pulled my body up the bed so we were facing each other. "You could never loose me Emmy!"
"What if it doesn't work out and you end up hating me"
"Emmy I could never hate you, even if you did the most stupid thing in the world you could think of, I couldn't, maybe I'd be pissed for a while but this is yours Emmy, always will be." He didn't break our eye contact moving my hand over his thumping heartbeat placing it firmly to his body, his large hand pinning my small one underneath it. I sat up in the bed holding my head in my hands.

"William?" Max asked and I nodded
"I can't do this to him max it's not fair on him and it's not fair on you, I can't win, either way I end up hurting one of you! I do really love him max. Then there's matty!" I sighed loudly throwing my head back onto the large pillow my head sinking into it.
"Ok well answer me this then, if it was just you and me..."
"But it's not is it max" I looked up at his deep brown eyes that were looking down at me, he propped himself up on one elbow and rubbed my side gently with his free hand.
"..if it was just you and me without any of the other stuff without any of the complications, how would you feel then?" I didn't reply at first but reached up fiddling with his scruffy hair in my fingers.
"I think..." I started "it wouldn't even be a question." I smiled at him weakly and he flopped back onto the bed groaning loudly.
"Thought so" he complained

I lay listening to his heartbeat, I fiddled with his shirt trying to get comfortable and hear his heartbeat better. He sat up and took his shirt off and laid me back down. "Better?" He asked playing with my braids. I nodded and put my hand on his bare chest instantly raising his heartbeat like it always did and I smiled. "What?" He laughed looking down at me.
"Nothing drumsticks" I said tracing my fingers making shapes on his skin raising his heartbeat further, he started to squirm a little. "Am I tickling you?"
"No"
"Stop wiggling then" I smirked, we lay for what seemed like hours contently quiet in each other's arms, I continued tracing shapes until max literally couldn't lay still anymore. He stopped my hand holding it firmly.
"Emmy Stop...you need to stop...I can't..."
"Sorry max, I'll stop if you want me to, you only had to ask"
"Oh fuck I don't want you to bloody stop!" He sat upright frustrated, I knelt up behind him and kissed the back of his neck.
"I'm sorry max, maybe I should go." He sighed and pulled me on to his lap, he leant into to kiss me, I spoke before our lips connected "I should get back to William" he nodded diverting his kiss to my forehead

"he is really nice max, he's just stressed out with everything."
"I never said he wasn't nice Emmy, if anything he's too blooming nice, it's annoying! He's bloody perfect and I'm well I'm just me. The idiot that has no matching socks left in his suitcase! the thought of him and you together, the thought of him touching you just makes my skin crawl, its like bloody torture."
"I can understand that. But you know I have to try right"
"Why? Why can you try with him but not me?"
"We've been over this drumsticks, Matty would NEVER allow you and me to happen, William treats me good. I love him max, or would you prefer me to give Felix a call!"
"Jemima don't ever say that! Don't even mention that fucking morons name!"
"Sorry max, I wasn't thinking, but we keep saying if things were different, but they're not different and I can't see how they could ever be, and it's not just you and Matty, it's all the boys this would effect. I'm always going to be their little sister and you're always going to be their bandmate."