Keeping Jemima

A peaceful nothingness

Jemima

Celebrating a successful year with my family was not what I expected in the slightest, I wasn't sure why they concluded that this was a successful year, I suppose we were all still here and together, that's a successful year. the boys were all on top form bantering with each other playing around, their filter seemed to completely go out the window and I was hearing even more stories about all of them. Max had made a bee line to sit next to me as soon as we got to the restaurant, I was a little upset William wasn't able to make it but I understood he'd given up so much time to help me and come on tour he had a lot to catch up on and it was hard for him to refuse the many family and friend invites he was receiving now we were back in Australia, his cousins were over for his grandmother's birthday next week, I was told not to ask how old she was, it was impossible to tell with all the plastic surgery and she certainly didn't dress like a granny that's for sure. William had invited me to the grand birthday celebration, which after the wedding we attended I was dreading going to with out my boys as back up. He had spent Christmas with us and we'd gone to the beach house New Year's Eve as we had done the previous year, leaving the boys to have their wild party, on the pain of death my brother didn't booty call his crazy ex this time.

I knew William was leaving soon to get back to his music career, six days and counting was all I had left, it was a skimmed around topic, he'd drop into conversation casually but we never fully discussed it, I was unsure if I changed the subject or he did now, maybe a little of both. We'd gotten used to having each other around all the time, I was going to miss him, I worried he'd go off with some prim and proper girl that played some fancy instrument like the oboe. He had asked me if I'd go with him months ago, I felt so guilty when I instantly said no, I couldn't leave Matty, I wasn't ready to leave him yet, William said he understood but I could tell he was hurt I hadn't jumped at the chance to travel the world with him again, this time as adults on our own. He'd asked a few times since but had stopped asking since we've been back in Australia. I know Matty was concerned about him leaving and us having a long distance relationship again, I'd heard him several times trying to get William to open up more to him and share the PTSD triggers and stories with him, William guarded his notebook like a meerkat still, it was funny to watch and amused me. Matty kept having his man to man talks with poor William, giving him advice on long distance relationships, which I also found highly amusing. I could understand why Matty was worried but I knew my william was always on the end of a phone whenever I needed him, well I hoped he'd still be. We'd been distant the last few weeks but I was hoping that was because we were both just sad about his impending departure.

I was listening to yet another story about how max had gotten too hyper and this time apparently ended up getting his head wedged somewhere comical. It had definitely become a running theme with max stories. The boys all sharing moe stories with me over the last few months about all of them, I think they were starting to see me as a nearly eighteen year old now and not just a little girl, so were sharing stories of their youthful mischievous behaviour with me more.

"Don't listen to them, it only took the firemen twenty minutes to cut me free not an hour, look I got a scar" max parted his hair to show me the so tiny that if you blinked you would miss it scar.
"I wouldn't call that a scar" I scoffed returning to my cheeseburger. the waitress behind us dropped a whole tray of glasses as she walked past, too busy eyeing up my brother and Ed. She received a round of applause for her epic fail. I felt the room growing quiet around me and my mind spacing out, I began to panic that William wasn't here, he would have noticed already and talked me down by now. It was in that moment I realised this year was going to be a lot harder than I thought without William close by. I needed him and he wasn't going to be here.

"Emmy?" Max was asking repeatedly into my ear "Emmy? Matty, I think she's going PTSD, she's doing that hand twitch thing" max flustered
"Sis it's alright, it's not real, the glass? Was it the glass smashing jem?" My brother held my hands "just breathe it out....boys what does posh boy do? Max what did you do that time?"
"Oh I ummm, Emmy, I'm here, you're ok, it's not real, do you want me to hold you? Matty should I?"
"Try it, she'll either let you or slap you"