Keeping Jemima

Eggs

Jemima

Matty bought the boys into our room and they ordered room service breakfast to eat together before we had to leave. William ordered me scrambled eggs and toast with extra butter. I sat on the bed arranging the tray of food, separating everything and making it look more ordered.  I lay on my stomach looking at my plate of food at eye level like a lion stalking its pray. I felt Williams warm hand on my back, I looked to my side and he wasn't looking at me, he was eating his bagel and talking to Ed about football, he rubbed his hand on my back to encourage me subtly, I sighed loudly pushing the tray away.

"Tell it fuck off Emmy!" Max reminded me, I turned my head the other way to look at max sat in a chair with his feet on the bed eating cereal and fruit. He gave me a wink, I buried my face in the bed scrunching the duvet in my fists, wanting to take my frustration out on something, the familiar over whelming feeling of shame washing over me. Not even Max's odd socks that were wiggling away could distract me right now, how over odd it looked with his one polka dot and one stripy sock with clashing colours. Focus on his stupid odd socks I thought to myself, trying to shake this feeling.

"Jem?" I felt Matty kneeling next to the bed holding my fists "talk to us, you want something else?"
"No" I mumbled into the duvet, reaching out and pulling the tray back towards me without looking. I went back to my position of staring at my tray while laying on my stomach. I picked up my fork and separated the egg away from the toast. I took a small piece of egg in my fingers and looked intently at it like inspecting a diamond for flaws, then put it back on the plate, eggs were a tricky food for me, I loved eggs but they held too many bad memories, especially for breakfast. Max's hand appeared in front of my face holding a cube of mango, I shook my head at it and it disappeared. I tore a piece of my toast into small pieces until my plate looked like it was covered in toast confetti.

"Jem, you have to eat something or you have to have an extra calorie shake" Matty told me pulling me up to a sitting position leaning me back against him, he picked up the plate putting it on my lap, I took mouse like nibbles at the toast sighing with each bite, Matty rubbed my cold arms encouragingly. Every bite was making me feel more nauseous, I could taste and smell the egg on it, this was not going to stay down "Why don't you try some egg Jem? Just a little piece." I flustered at his words and the piece of egg he was proffering towards my mouth, Matty pressing it to my lips trying to pop it in my mouth, I pushed his hand away unable to sit still, fighting the images and sounds washing over me, William rushed over holding me.

"Baby, it's ok" he whispered in my ear "is it happening right now?" I nodded sniffling trying to control myself "it's ok Jemima, you wanna tell me." I raised me eyes to look at him, hyperventilating a little, I looked up at my brother feeling even more shame wash over me and cried uncontrollably. William looked between me and Matty, then picked me up without saying anything, taking me to the bathroom shutting the door with his foot, Matty looking at him puzzled. "Just me now baby, I promise, it stays between us unless you say I can tell him. Just try baby, let's just calm down and then tell me what you saw." I steadied my crying and whispered to him what Steve used to make me do if I wanted eggs for breakfast, his eyes widened at me when I told him the details as quietly as possible while not looking at him, he composed himself telling me he understood and now wasn't the time to try and eat eggs for breakfast, that it was too big a step right now. He picked me up carrying me back in, the boys scrambling to look like they weren't trying to listen in.

William calmly picked up my plate taking it to the bin scraping the contents into the bin.
"Errr William, What are you doing? She needs to eat some more of that or she's not going to meet her calorie intake. She needs to at least try it! We agreed on tough love! If we keep pandering to her then we're not going to get anywhere!" Matty complained at him
"She's in the room Matty don't talk about her like she's not, she doesn't have to do anything and I will not stand back and watch you force feed her, understood, don't try and force food in her mouth again! She needs love, not tough love just love!" William snapped at Matty annoyed at him speaking about me like I wasn't here, clearly upset from the information I'd shared with him "bread and jam Jemima?" He asked me, I nodded sheepishly avoiding eye contact with everyone, "hey, you're fine. I got you now. No one is forcing food in your mouth while I'm here. Not even your brother." he strode over confidently kissing my forehead before getting his food stash out to make me some jam and bread.