23 | Past Regrets

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Perfect murder, take your aimI don't belong to anyoneBut everybody knows my name—  Copycat by Billie Eilish

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Perfect murder, take your aim
I don't belong to anyone
But everybody knows my name
— Copycat by Billie Eilish

The warm afternoon breeze caressed my face as I watched two butterflies flitting around the flowers without a care in the world

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The warm afternoon breeze caressed my face as I watched two butterflies flitting around the flowers without a care in the world. To say I was jealous of their untroubled life was beyond me.

Ridiculous. I was jealous of butterflies.

I tossed and turned all night, unable to switch my brain off from the unrelenting thoughts. I was only able to dive into a dreamless slumber around six in the morning when I was collapsing in exhaustion.

Victoria was sitting pensively across from me on the wooden bench, playing with her fingers. She wanted to tell me about the past, now that it was out in the open. I insisted that it was alright if she didn't, not wanting to trigger any horrible memory.

"We don't speak of our high school days," she muttered, her face contorting into a grimace as she ran a hand through her straightened hair. "It was a decision we made to forget about what happened. Gray promised he would tell you himself. To him, it would be unfair if you found out about it from someone else."

I scoffed. "Ironic."

"Very." She shook her head in displeasure. "We didn't expect Scarlet to do what she did. Maybe Gray had a hunch, and that's what I think since he didn't defend himself. But the rest of us didn't even realize what was going on, and thinking about it makes me feel so fucking stupid."

She took both my hands in hers, squeezing them lightly as she drew in a deep breath. "High school is a memory none of us want to remember, and we promised each other never to mention it. That's why we placed our trust in Gray to tell you."

I understood them, probably more so than anybody else. We all had secrets and memories we didn't want to remember. Secrets and memories that were better left hidden in the abyss of darkness — locked and contained, far from reach. I was no different from them. I had secrets I couldn't share, and my mother's death was one of those.

"There are things we should tell and things we shouldn't." I placed my hand above hers. "But I need you to tell me if the scandal is true or not. That's all I want to know."

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