Spiderson and Irondad one shots. (Requests Closed)

F*** DA POLICE!!!

Thor stood in stage in front of people, clearly drunk out of his mind, because it was a Press conference, Tony sighed but he needed a distraction till Spider-Man got there and Thor was the only one there at the time.

     "Here's another story I heard about myself!" Thor said Loki smirked he knew where it was going, "this one happened in the learning hall, what High school is it? Well there was this teacher who's kid happened to go to my high school, his name was Mr. Stark, and Tony Stark was in school when I was a senior, so he was a sophomore while I was a senior, so he was two years behind me. And Mr. Stark was an A*shole." Everyone laughed, Tony shook his head. "So one weekend him and his wife decided to leave town, which you should never do if you're an a*shole." Thor laughed, "so Tony Stark decided to throw a party at the teacher's house. Yay!!" Everyone laughed. "So everyone around town heard about. And we all got up individually and thought 'okay, let's go over there and destroy the fu*king place'." Everyone was laughing so hard it hurt.
"Peter where the hell are you?! Thor is telling one of his stories again about a party that he wasn't even at!" Tony yelled into his com.
"Ran into some stuff on the way to the tower Dad! I'll be there in a few!" Tony sighed.
"I walk into this party, which was up there!" Thor pointed at the top of the tower. "Everyone I've ever met was there and everyone was drinking like it was end of the world." Thor smiled. "People where drinking like it what the civil War between Tony and Steve, and doctor strange was coming to take our legs off." Everyone busted out laughing again. "It was totally unsupervised! We were dogs without horses, we were running wild." Everyone clapped. "I walk down to the basement, they had a pool table in the basement, one dude had a running start and threw his body onto the pool table and broke it in half!" Everyone laughed once again, Thor smiled, Tony looked at Drax.
"That was you?"
"Don't hate the player hate the game!" Tony rolled his eyes.
"Another kid found Mr. Starks room was and went to take a sh*t on his Computer, so the party was going great!" Everyone clapped and laughed, camera men couldn't hold the cameras anymore. "I'm standing in the basement I'm hold a red cup you see in movies , and I started to black out, and someone said 'something something police.' And In a brilliant moment of a Word association I yelled, 'FU*K DA POLICE! FU*K DA POLICE!' And everyone else joined in." Everyone was now in the floor, Tony was angry, Peter just came but he wanted to hear the end of the story. "A 100 white children yelling 'fu*k da police' with the confidence of guys who's already been to jail ain't afraid of it anymore, like 'I've served my nickel! You come take me!' Confidence." Everyone couldn't breathe. "But white children, the reason someone said 'something something police.' Because the police was there." Peter was in the floor. "So a shield police officer came down the stairs got to the bottom of the basement and looked out into a sea of drunk toddlers yelling 'fu*k.da.police.' Right in his face, and he was almost depressed he was like 'wow...' then he leaned into his walkie-talkie and said 'get the Patty wagon!' My friend Clint who is now a father! This man has two babies." Clint his face wondering if it's to late to change is identity. "He grabbed a 40, smashed it on the ground and yelled 'SCATTER!' And everyone ran into different directions, we all ran in different directions it's like that scene in ratatouille, where the humans come into the kitchen and the all the rats go all over the place." Pepper was glaring at Tony now. " I ran to the laundry room, jumped onto the washing machine, climb through a window into the backyard, now running to the backyard and there's this big chain-link fence, and I thought 'I've never climbed a fence that high before!' Then I woke up at home." Everyone was laughing, Peter couldn't breath, Steve was trying to hold back a laugh, Nat was smiling, and well you can imagine what look Pepper was giving Tony for letting Thor on stage. "On Monday, I went to school 'cause that's was we did back then, and I walk into the school building and who I see, it's Tiny Stank!" Thor Drunkness getting the best of him now.
                    "THOR GET OFF THE STAGE YOUR DRUNK AS HELL!" Wanda yelled. Thor didn't hear her.
                      "And says 'hey we're you at my party on Saturday?' And I said 'no' you know like a lier. He said 'things got really out of hand,  someone broke the pool table, someone took a sh*t on my dad's Computer, the worst thing' he says, 'the worst thing was someone stole these old antique photos of my grandmother, and my parents are freaking out about it.' And I had that thought that black out drunks and Steve Urkel can have." Everyone laughed. "Did I do that? I figured no I wouldn't of done that, but I was never sure. In till two years later."
                     "Come on brother." Loki said getting up on stage. "It's our Secret remember." But Thor just pushed him off. 
                     "Relax, I'm playing video games with my brother Loki! You remember Loki right! He saved Asgard once, love you so much brother!" Thor hugged Loki, "two years later we're graduated by now, we were playing video games for a couple of hours, and Loki says to me 'hey come here, I want to show you something.' And he takes me into his bedroom, and then he takes me into a side room off of his bedroom, that's not really a good thing to have, I thought he was going to stab me again. He shows me a room filled with Stolen antique photos, from different people's parties over the years." Loki smiled and waved awkwardly is everybody laughed. "I looked at him and said 'Whyyy? Why do you do this?' And turns to me and says, 'because it's the one thing you can't replace!' With a evil smirk of his!" Everyone was just laughing and laughing, "that's the end of that story but how F*cked up is that?" Thor stumbled a bit then passed out. Loki dragged home back into the tower while Tony wasn't tryin hm not to kill him.

Thank you for reading and I'll see you in the next one! Bye and stay gold~

"We're not doing get help."