Back to You (An International Story)

More Than You Know

May 2021

Alexia's POV:

I watched Jenni sleep. Since she got home from the hospital and started her medication, she's been sleeping better. She still wakes up sometimes, but when she sees me, she says that she knows it's ok. 

She's on leave for the remainder of Barcelona's season. Which is fine because we're well ahead of Atleti.

Again.

The Euros are this summer and Jenni wants to focus on being ready for that. 

Everyone does. 

Today was her first therapy appointment. She met with her after getting out of the hospital, but today was the first official appointment.

"I'll be here to pick you up." I smiled. 

"Alright." She leaned over and kissed me. "I love you."

"I love you too. More than you know."

"Oh trust me. I know."

"Hmmm. I don't think you do." 

She laughed and opened the door. "You'll have to tell me then."

"Later." 

She shut the door and headed inside, stopping to wave once before disappearing into the building. I shook my head and drove off. 

Jenni's POV:

"Jenni. It's nice to see you again. Please have a seat. So before we get started I just want to get up to speed."

"Ok."

"You were in a car accident?"

"Yes. Last August." 

"What exactly happened?"

"I got hit by a drunk driver."

"Before all of that. Why were you driving in the first place?"

"I was going to Alexia's house."

"And who is Alexia?"

"At that time she was my ex-girlfriend. We were going to go out, try to work out our relationship. I went to her house and saw she called me, so I listened to the voicemail. She was basically telling me that she couldn't be in a relationship at that time." I shook my head. "I got out of the car when she came outside and we had this big fight. I didn't want to be around so I got back in and drove off. I started crying in the car, but I knew I had the light, so I didn't stop. He came out of nowhere I never even saw him." I covered my mouth. 

"That fight with Alexia. How are you two now?"

"Fine." I smiled. "We're together and we're happy."

"What changed?"

"We both did." I said. "In the hospital, after I woke up, she said that she loved me. That she did the whole time."

"Why did you two break up in the first place?" I explained the whole situation. "And now you two are together?"

"Yeah."  

"But before the crash, you weren't?"

"No." I answered. "Where are you going with this?"

"Just trying to gather everything. Tell me about these dreams."

"I'm back in the hospital after the crash. Only this time I didn't survive. I'm laying there on the bed but I'm not alive."

"Jenni come back. Don't leave me please." Alexia cried. "Please!"

"Alexia, Lola, Virginia, my family are all there. Just looking at my body."

"Ale. She's gone." Virginia held her.

"No." Lola stood there.

"Alexia is screaming and crying. Telling them that I'm not gone. Begging me to come back. To not leave her."

"She's not gone!"

"I'm standing there but I can't move or speak. My mouth is moving, I'm telling Alexia that I'm not gone but she can't hear me. None of them can." 

"Then what?" I looked down. "What happens next, Jenni?"

"My family leaves. They can't take just looking at me so they leave. Lola breaks down and Virginia has to drag her out of the room. Alexia stays though. She always stays."

"What does she do?"

"She stands next to me. Holds my hand. Tells me that it's cold."

"It wasn't supposed to end like this." Alexia mumbles. "We were supposed to be happy together. But you had to leave me. Why did you leave me, Jenni? Why did you leave me again?"

"Again?" The therapist said. "Like when you left for Paris?" I nodded. "It sounds like you still don't fully forgive yourself for leaving."

"Alexia does though."

"That's great, Jenni. But you can't move on until YOU forgive YOURSELF. You need to know that it's ok. That everything is ok now. You and Alexia are happy together. Your career is only going up. You are alive, healthy, and happy." 

"How do I forgive myself?" 

"You know that you left, acknowledge your guilt about it. Talk about the guilt you feel with Alexia since she is the other person here. It sounds like your relationship then was built around sneaking around and hiding feelings, but now it's more open. Open in terms of communication between the two of you and communication with those around you. More people are aware of the relationship now."

"Yeah. We didn't mean to hide it. We just felt like it wasn't really anyone's business. The people we wanted to know knew about it."

"I respect that. Our time is up. Again, acknowledge the guilt and talk about those feelings with Alexia. We are going to get through this. Ok?"

"Ok." I nodded. 

I went outside and saw Alexia waiting for me.

"How was it?" She asked when I got to her. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed the top of her head. 

"I love you."

"I love you too. Everything ok?"

"Can we do some talking when we get home?"

"Of course. We can do whatever you want." She opened the car door for me. "Because I love you more than you know."

"I know."

"No, you don't." She walked around to the driver's side.

"Yes, I do."

"No, you like to think you know things, Jenni. But the truth is you don't."

I laughed. "Like how we knew about Leila and Mariona?"

"That was just a bad day for us alright? It was a team effort." She smiled.

"I like it when you smile. Don't get me wrong, I love grumpy face Alexia too but that smile? Makes my heart skip a beat every time."

"Good thing you're the main reason for my smile." 

Aren't they just the cutest!