Fallingforyou // Matty Healy

Using

I had finished up my project earlier than anticipated so I decided to fly out to meet the boys on tour. I hadn't seen them in 7 weeks which doesn't seem like long but it felt like a lifetime.

Matty had stopped sending his photos like 2 weeks ago and wouldn't really pick up my calls so I thought it better to see him in person.

Jamie had text me the address of the hotel they were staying at, wanting to keep it a surprise for everyone. The lift stopped on the right floor and I stepped out, dragging my case behind me.

I notice George sat outside one of the rooms on the floor, his head in his hands. He was sniffling which caused me to frown as he never really showed his vulnerable side so I knew something was wrong.

"What's up buttercup?"

George whips his head up and goes to dry his eyes with his hands, quickly getting up and pulling me into a hug.

"I can't breathe George!" I say, gasping for air at the tight hug he had me in.

He releases me a little, still holding me close.

"What're you doing here?" He asks, looking behind him quickly and then back to me.

"Finished up with my project early so thought I'd come on tour." I tell him.

"I know it's only been 7 weeks but that's a long fucking time, Sting. A lot can change apparently."

I give him a confused look "G, please tell me what's wrong. It's obvious something is wrong." I plead softly with him.

*trigger warning - talk of drugs*

Taking a deep breath he speaks "Matty's started using again. He keeps trying to bullshit me saying he's not but it's obvious he is, it's worse than last time." I shake my head in disbelief, taking a minute to process what George was telling me.

"I've not told the boys. No one else knows apart from us but it's hard to keep it a secret and cover for him when it's so obvious he's out of it!" He grunts, his eyes welling up with tears again.

"Explains why he's been avoiding me, Can I go in? Go and get some sleep, darling. You look exhausted."

"If he's a dick you just shout me ok?" He says.

I reassure him that I will and he opens the door for me. Before he leaves I quickly touch his arm to get his attention "Thank you for looking after him. You're the best friend he's ever had."

George's eyes start to gloss over again and he gives me a defeated smile before walking off. I walk into the room.

He was sat in the middle of the bed, his curls matted together and his head low. If I couldn't see his chest moving I'd think he was not breathing.

I close the door quietly not wanting to startle him.

"I don't need you lecturing me George, I know I'm in the wrong." He croaks out.

"I'm not George."

Matty's head turns so quickly I thought he'd get whiplash. His eyes go soft but his face looks defeated.

"Sting."

"My project finished up early so I flew out seeing as you were avoiding me. I've always said your work comes first which I still mean but I've just been told by George it was something else."

He twiddles with his thumbs, looking like a child being scolded.

"Why're you using again? Don't try giving me the 'It just happened' bullshit cause I won't take that as an answer."

He goes quiet, his mouth opening and closing but no words came out. Instead he just bowed his head again and hugged himself tight.

I move to sit at the end of the bed.

"Matty." I say softly "Please talk to me. I'm not mad ok? I just need you to answer me. We said we'd communicate better this time."

The man in front of me broke down crying at that, I couldn't help but move forward to pull him into my chest. I hushed him as he gasped for air, brushing his hair out of his face.

"I missed you and it just happened. I needed to stop thinking and apparently when you're a celebrity people will just give you these things. The world isn't quite so loud when you're around and the drugs help when you're not but I can fix this!"

Not knowing how to respond to him, I looked around the room noticing the bathroom light on.

"C'mon, you need a shower." I move off the bed and take his hand to pull him up.

I turned the shower on letting it get to the right temperature, turning around to take my clothes off and fold them on the side. Matty follows in tow and steps into the shower.

I grab the shampoo and squeeze it on to his hair, massaging it in. He closes his eyes and lets me continue until I positioned him back under the water to rinse the suds out. I repeat with the conditioner and then step back.

Realising the shower gel was on the counter I go to step out of the shower until Matty tugs my arm, pulling me back into a hug. I feel him relax into my body.

"I'm so sorry." He mumbles into my neck.

"Matty, it's one thing to lie to your loved ones but it's another to make your loved ones lie for you as well. Apologise to George and apologise to yourself, not me." I tell him sternly.

"Myself? I never meant to make him lie, he's my best mate." His voice comes out broken.

I trace his now very prominent cheekbone, sighing to myself. "You don't need to do that shit to yourself, Marty. You'll end up killing yourself."

He cries and pulls me closer again, his whole body shaking "I can't stop, Bea. I've tried."

I feel my own tears threaten to escape but I needed to be the strong one in this situation. "We'll get you help, I'll stay with you."

I feel him nod against my shoulder "I'm sorry."