Living a Life

What I wanted...right?

Louis’s P.O.V

I heard the timer ring in the bathroom that Taylor was in, rushing towards the door I met her bright blue eyes as she turned with the test in her hand. I rushed to her side as she leaned against the vanity in what seemed like a daze. Picking up the test I numbly turned it over; ‘negative’ flashed in my face. I took in a deep breath and lowered the test next to Taylor on the vanity. Opening my arms wide she flung herself against me and nuzzled against my neck, her hot breath was fanning my lower ear as my hands lovingly caressed her back. “It’s fine babe, we weren’t even trying. So its fine okay?”
“I know but it still feels like a disappointment since there was a chance.” I held a breath then spoke again, “I know it’s a disappointment especially after the miscarriage but you have so many good things to look forward to.” She leant back from my arms as I continued. “…your world tour starts in a month, Mia is five months old and thriving thanks to you taking her in and you get to plan our wedding. So much to look forward to…” I watched her raise her head and smile then kiss me.
“You’re so right Louis, I have a lot to look forward to and a lot to be thankful for. Starting with my daughter and my soon to be husband. I’m okay.” Pausing to look at her I watched her pick up the pregnancy test and throw it away then we went out to the living room and watched some Grey’s Anatomy. I loved life like this while Mia slept upstairs. It was perfect because I was happy.

Taylor’s P.O.V

The darkness of my office fuelled my feelings, were they normal? I couldn’t decide. The negative test although a relief brought new fears, ‘what if I couldn’t have kids?’ ‘Would Louis leave me?’ Seemingly these were normal fears according to google but they didn’t feel normal. In what reality would a twenty five year old woman who had recently suffered a miscarriage be relieved by a negative pregnancy test then allow ridiculous fears to cloud their minds. I don’t know why I was worried, I loved Louis and I knew he loved me. I was almost certain when it was negative that he breathed a sigh of relief. He was right to, I had such a busy six to eight months of touring ahead of me and Mia would turn one in that time. So adding another child to our family would cause all types of problems, especially with management.

Wearily I closed the laptop lid and looked around the office I was sitting in, two plush chairs sat in the corner with a small coffee table in between, I smiled looking at them as it was the place I had sat when I told my mom and dad that Louis had asked me to marry him. Standing up I flickered my eyes around the room, looking towards my bookshelf where I kept journals, scrapbooks, fan gifts and mementos that meant the world to me my eyes caught one in particular. The Fearless Tour book my mom and I had made for everyone on my first headlining tour. Pulling it down and wiping the cover in a nostalgic way as I stared at a younger version of myself. Flicking over page after page I watched as old friends, colleagues and myself seemed so young and carefree. There were pictures of my band with Caitlin, Liz, Paul, Grant, Amos and Mike. Pictures showing everyone’s ‘Appreciation Day’ including my Crasins Christmas Tree. Glancing at the clock on the desk I was shocked to see it was now almost 2.30am and I had been in here since 11.40pm. I carefully closed the book and put it away, taking the baby monitor that I had with me I walked back down the hallway, as I passed Mia’s room I heard babbling through the monitor and without a word of a lie she babbled ‘bub, bub, bub.’

I felt a smile spread across my face as I slowly opened her door and found her sitting in her bed with her teddy bear who Louis called ‘Brownie’ babbling. When she saw me her arms went up and she wanted up. I gladly did it and sat down in the rocking chair by her bed, lifting her so she could stand on my legs I realised. I didn’t need another child at the moment, Mia was my baby and I wanted to spend as much time with her as I could before Louis and I had another child. I realised when I thought it that it was quite selfish but then my motherly side took over, and my brain rationalized. ‘When the time is right you won’t second guess it.’ But for right now sitting with Mia this was all I needed for right now…and Louis but he was out like a light.