alone and hopeless

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I make my way down to Snape's room, feeling like everything I ate earlier was going to come up. I was sure I was going to get sick.

I find myself standing in front of the classroom.

At a young age, my parents always had guests over and taught me to always knock before entering, even if it was just us three.

I approached the door and put my hand up to the door to knock but then door quickly swung open to reveal Snape on the other side.

"Enter" he says looking down on me.

I walk into the classroom slowly and look around and see my mother getting up and making her way towards me. She pulls me into an embrace and places a gentle kiss on my forehead.

I look behind her to see my father but his presence was absent.

"Where is father?" I asked my mother.

She quickly responds "business" while looking at Snape.

"Are you ready darling?" she asked.

I slowly nod my head and follow my mother as she ventures out of the classroom.

"It was nice seeing you Severus , we will be seeing you later this week" she said while motioning me to follow her down the long corridor.

We walk down the hallway and I see the shiny blonde hair you could spot a mile away.

We walk closer towards him to get by and I notice an evil glare grow across his face. I gave him the same glare back and gave him the side eye as well.

My mother seems to notice and looks back and forth at both of us. "You two are no longer friends I see." She asked in a somewhat concerned voice.

Malfoys gaze is still burning into my soul and and I respond with a "no" lying to her.

"Me and him are nothing like friends" I mumble to myself but loud enough for her to hear. I smile to myself as we make our way out of the school.

We get on the train and prepare for a long ride which would pass by very slowly with my mother. I used this time to sleep.

We shortly arrived home and I brought my trunks upstairs and began to unpack my bags and shortly get more sleep after.

———
Days go by slowly and I am dreading the visit I will be receiving from the Dark Lord.

My father has been very stern with me and has little conversations, when we do talk it's very short.

My mother tries to act how she has been my whole life and keeps telling me that I cannot mess up anything when it comes to the Dark Lord. From a women that does not show emotion, she was nervous for me which intensified my anxiety.

I'm not entirely sure what they meant by "visit." Was I going to be getting my Dark Mark? What was going to happen? Was it a test? Does he want to see what I can be capable of? Endless questions rushed through my head and yet I still had no answer which was the most bothering part of them all.

With my parents, I was too afraid to ask them questions because I knew for a fact the would just tell me my questions are "silly and needless to worry about."

Most nights I found it difficult to sleep and if I did I would wake up in a quick sweat from night terrors.

I was terrified of what could happen to me and I just wanted to be comforted. I needed a person to tell me everything will be alright and a shoulder to cry on.

I needed him. I needed Draco.

He would reassure me that no matter what, I wouldn't be failing my parents. That's simply what I needed to hear.

The following evening I found myself crying in my bed trying to stay as quiet as possible.

My visit with the Dark Lord was planned for tomorrow.

Knowing this made my stomach queasy. Even more than it had been from the day I was leaving to come home.

My pain hasn't gone away, it's only worsened.

I'm too young to be going through this.

I couldn't stop thinking about what could possibly happen tomorrow and my thoughts soon rushed to my stomach and I felt light headed. I got up and rushed to the bathroom and slammed the door shut. I dropped to knees and leaned over the seat and began to vomit.

After I got everything out I was pale and sweaty.

I continued to sit in the bathroom on the marble tile while hugging my knees to my chest. Tears streamed down my face and I found it hard to keep a steady breathing pattern.

I felt alone and hopeless.

The only thing that seemed to calm my nerves was imagining Draco.

I imagined his smile and his laugh. His words and the way he made me feel. I imagined him being here with me now comforting me.

It all calmed me and brought a feeling of warmth down my body.

I stood up and placed my hands on the sink and looked at my reflection.

I looked horrible to say the least.

I walked back to my room and took a seat by my window and looked out into the night sky. The only thing that kept me in glanced state of mind were the stars. The stars Draco was probably looking out on right now.

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