Jamais Vu

Epiphany

When they get home, Ara goes straight out to the backyard and sits in front of BK's grave.

"I wish you were here more than ever" she whispers softly, touching the engravings of his name. "I don't know what to do and i miss you"

"I feel pulled in so many directions. I want them.  I want each of them in different ways and i don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how deep these feelings go but.. god BK.. i've never been in love before. What if i'm not good at it?"

Ara sighs and lays on the ground beside the grave as if laying beside her best friend, which she technically is.

"I clearly like Jimin, or at least my fox does or else he wouldn't trigger things to be messed up. I feel some sort of pull for Hobi and Jungkookie.. or maybe i just want them.. i.. i don't know!"

"Why can't things be easier?" Ara huffs and looks up at the sky. The weather is so nice today, since it's early spring.

~listening to misbehave by monsta x. Yes, that album is my favorite one by them lol~

Ara think about each of the members.

Jimin is an obvious one. Anyone who meets him is captivated by his charisma and his character. Jimin good looking, sure anyone who has eyes can see any of them are. That isn't what draws you into Jimin.

He loves to laugh, loves being loved and shown affection. He needs things like hugs or hand holding even if it's platonic. He needs the physical affection as well as verbal.

And when Jimin dances? It's like he becomes a whole new person. His dancing is truly a work of art.

Ara especially likes it how his eyes turn into tiny crescent moons when he smiles. Jimin is the type of person who needs extra attention, and Ara likes that about him. It makes her feel wanted when he seeks her out to cuddle randomly or grabs her hand when they are on the couch together.

Many people think Jimin is too affectionate, but Ara knows that be spent a great deal of his life neglected and hating not only life but himself.

Ara then thinks to Hobi. Hobi is easy to grow fond of. The way his lips turn into a heart when he smiles, or how he's the loudest person yet can't stand the slightest noise that is too loud.

Hobi is sunshine personified, he always has been. Ever since she met him, there wasn't a time he wasn't laughing, dancing or making random sound effects to make someone smile.

She never thought she would see him in any light other than friendly, because of BK,  but that kiss changed everything.

Hoseok is one hot hybrid and she would be a fool to not see that.

Most of all, Hoseok makes her feel safe and loved all the time. Hoseok feels like home to her.

She then thinks of Yoongi. Yoongi is not a hard person to get along with, at all. He comes across as aloof and grouchy but in reality he is one of the softest of all of them.

He isn't open about his attention but it's there in subtle things. The way he gives the maknae's the last bit of food at dinner, when he asks if you slept okay, or if you ate. If you're sad, he will be the first to give you that goofy yet attractive smile of his and twerk or do some random dance.

Not to mention their first night even being intimate. He refused to ket her touch him, he just took care of her and helped her first.

Namjoon is harder to read as he's always working and kind of shy. Ara has noticed that he is incredibly smart even if he is the clumsiest person she's ever met.

She would love to get to know him better,  that's for sure.

Jungkook is the sweetest hybrid she's met besides BK. His big does eyes and shaggy hair. How curious he is when something new happens. The little scar on his cheek or the single freckle.

He always makes sure everything is neat and tidy, always making sure she has everything she needs, as well as his hyung's.

Jin is protective in the most loving way. 

He will be the first to crack a joke or do a prank but if you need him he will ways be there.

In many ways, Jin brought their tiny pack together. He's more talented than he gives himself credit for, that's for certain. He is a man of many talents and he is really smart himself, even if it's about random things.

In many ways Ara admires him for how big his heart is. Not to mention the single dimple he has on his lip when he chews.

She hasn't spent much time with Taehyung but she has learned about him from observing.

Many people would probably say Taehyung is cold, mean, distant, maybe even strict or not caring, when in fact Taehyung is almost softer than Yoongi even. In some ways, he is.

He's so innocent and curious like Jungkook but yet has an incredible facade. His acting skills are amazing.

He so has a soft spot for Jimin. Yeah, they're platonic soulmates but the others don't have quite the relationship them two have.

The way Taehyung smiles when he's happy is so infectious and Ara sometimes finds herself staring at the cute little freckle he has on the tip of his nose.

Ara sits up then, her face furrowed in confusion. Does she like them as more than pack?

Have their relationships been gradually growing and she was too scared to dee it?

She thinks to Jin's words. She's never seen him as a brother. She's seen him as someone who she feels safe with, someone she goes to when she has something to say or needs an ear.

Does she return Jin's feelings?

"Do i love him?" She looks down at the grass thoughtfully. She isn't sure but one thing she does know.

She needs to tell Jin this.