Yes, Sirs (Book 1 of Desire's Den)

Chapter 58 - Emma

My pussy clenched at his words, even as my body tensed with nerves. I'd done only a couple of blowjobs in my life, and let's just say the receivers didn't like what I'd given them.

One-night stands could be fun with the right people, probably—I wouldn't know. I'd always been unlucky with who I'd ended up going home with. More often than not—which meant always—I went home with jerks; the ones who saw it as expected that the girls would go down on the boys but wouldn't return the favor. The jerks were the ones who had no problem complaining about what other girls did wrong in bed, ruining someone's self-esteem.

Kevin had asked me why I'd gone home with douchebags, but the thing was, they'd all been so charming...until they weren't. I was a horrible judge of character, not seeing when someone was playing me. These guys, though? They weren't anything like those jerks; I just knew it.

I think that...even if I had some interest in BDSM when I found out what it was, another part of me craved it as soon as I had my self-esteem broken. Having a dominant meant I could let go of my thoughts and worries. I could stop overthinking about what I should do or if I was good enough in bed. With a dom, I would have it all taken away, and all that would be left were orders and demands and guidance when I needed a helping hand. It was safe when all I'd ever been met with were scornful comments of everything I did wrong or did poorly.

"What is it?" Mateo asked, reading my emotions expressed on my face.

"Please don't..." I shook my head. This was supposed to be "sexy time" and not whatever I'd created with my insecurities.

"Don't what?" Gorgeous, you have to talk to me. The relationship between a dom and his submissive only works with trust and open communication. Talk to me," he urged me, and I could see how much he wanted me to let him in.

He's not like those boys, I reminded myself.

Taking a deep breath, I told him about what worried me. Even if I knew deep down that Mateo was far from being like one of those jerks, it didn't change the fact that I had issues; with myself and my insecurities brought on by others' hateful words. "Please don't be mean. I probably suck at blowjobs, no pun intended." I forced out a smile. "There's been a couple of guys who've said...they've said I was the worst to give blowjobs of anyone they'd met."

"Honey, those were boys who knew the power of words. People like that, I can guarantee you they've said the exact same thing to many other girls. They like to bring others down. I know for a fact that you don't suck—" he smiled "—pun intended. Do you want to know how I know that?"

I nodded.

"Because I can see it in the way you move. You have this sensuality about you that I haven't seen in anyone else. If you can be that sensuous in public, I know you're even more so in bed. Sure, you might not have much practice sucking cock, but you're eager to learn, and that's the best quality anyone can have in bed. You haven't had the opportunity or the right partner to learn, but we're here to teach you what you cannot be taught on your own."

It made sense what he said, especially that part where I haven't had the opportunity to learn. I'd been scared to mention anything because stuff like this was usually hard for me to talk about. I knew that we needed to have an open dialogue, as Mateo had said, but talking about my sexual skills, or lack thereof? That was tough for me.

"Do you want to be taught?" He asked next.

If I wanted to? Of course, I did. It just wasn't easy to shake off the words spoken by other men. I guess I just needed the right man—or men—to help me get over it and become more self-assured.

"Yes, Sir." I nodded adamantly. I felt safe with all three of my dominants, and I didn't think they would ever stoop so low and judge me for what I didn't know. I was confident they would do the opposite instead and build me up.