A Star Is Born

The End

(Jordyn's POV)

I didn't want to drive away in the Jeep-hell, I didn't want to drive away at all, but here I am... crying in the present that Harry surprised me with. I didn't want to be buckled into this reminder of him, but what was I supposed to do? Wait for an Uber to come pick me up? I couldn't stay to wait for that long, even if it would've only taken a few minutes because I knew if I had, he would've found a way to convince me to stay. It wouldn't of taken much, just a look from his sad eyes to break me. But this is for the best, for both of us.

I've been a stranger since the night of my miscarriage. I blamed myself for it at first. I thought my stress eventually killed the person growing inside me. Or maybe it was my diet, or the way I turned over in my sleep, or countless other possibilities. But I finally excepted that it was nothing I had done, it was just simply... done. I couldn't stop it or change it if I tried, I know that now. That's not what I meant when I said I hurt, Harry. I hurt him after I miscarried, not because I miscarried.

Like I said, I've been a completely different person. I've fallen into a terrifyingly numb state of depression. Something I thought to be impossible a month ago, but now look at me. I can't eat or sleep. Because of my lack of motivation, all I find myself doing is watching some show I don't even like for the sole purpose of keeping my mind busy when my body is not.

I can't bring myself to sing because I know if I do, I'll at last begin to process what happened and I fear I won't make it out alive if I do. There's this picture I have in my head; I'm sitting in front of the piano, writing down lyrics of whatever I've buried in my heart and I see myself crying. Sobbing so hard that I start to hyperventilate. I can feel the heaviness on my chest at the very thought.

Maybe I'm willing trapped in a defense mechanism. The numbness is shielding me from the pain of grief because it knows I wouldn't survive if I felt it. Because I know I wouldn't.

Deep down, I know I could. But I fear the heartbreak that has yet to make its way into my dormant nerves.

I don't blame Harry for trying, I just wish he would've allowed me to heal on my own instead of treating me like I was as broken as I'm now aware that I am. I know that doesn't make much since. Let me try to explain it this way.

It's like how a mother eagle prepares her children. At first she comforts them, provides for them. But progressively, she takes away the comfort of the feathers to begin to push them to grow stronger by exposing them to thorns and sharp rocks. It made them more tough in the end. So you see, if their mother left only the feathers in the nest, they would of stayed weak.

Long story short, Harry comforts me with feathers when what I need is the rocks.

Though, there's a big difference between the baby eagles and myself. I can't rely on my mother-or protector, if you will-to help me grow stronger. I have to do that by myself and for myself. If I'm going to begin to build back up, I have to let the feathers fall out from the nest and step onto the thorns.

And not only that. It's necessary that I build a new nest all together. That's why I left. I knew I couldn't do what needed to be done with him holding me and promising that everything's was going to be okay, because I'm not okay. I'm not and I won't be until I face whatever is waiting just under the surface of this numb stranger that I've become.

It's time to turn the switch to my emotions back on. I've got a long drive ahead, plenty of time to process. I just pray I don't wreak from the tears invading my eyes on the way.

Once I'm stuck in unmovable traffic-which didn't take long-I pull up the GPS on my phone, shaking my head at myself as I type in my destination.

"You are now on the quickest route to Pickens, South Carolina." Siri's voice assures me.