I'm Just Sayin' If You Really Loved Me You Would Share Him -A Jamilams Fanfic

Chapter Thirty Nine

Alex looked at John from his bedroom door worriedly. He'd been lying there for hours. Thomas was sitting on the side of the bed next to him, stroking his hair gently.

When Thomas noticed Alex, he muttered something into John's ear and walked over to his boyfriend. "How is he?" Alex asked quietly.

Thomas shrugged. "He's still not responding to anything. Maybe you should try talking to him," he suggested. "Laf's on his way, but he got stuck in traffic, and you're the only other person who understands what he's going through."

Alex gulped. "Do you really think that it would help?" he asked. Thomas looked thoughtful before nodding.

"Yeah, I think it would. I get that my mom left, but it's not the same and we both know it. You and Laf are both orphans, so you two get what he's feeling right now, hence why Laf's coming over," he explained.

Alex nodded sadly, thinking back to his own mother. "Okay, sure, I'll talk to him. But, will you stay with me, with us?" he requested. "I don't want to be alone."

Thomas nodded and kissed the top of Alex's head. "Of course," he replied. Alex walked over to the bed and John barely reacted when Alex lay down next to him, staring up at the ceiling.

Thomas sat on John's other side and resumed his stroking of John's hair. Alex took a deep breath.

"I remember how it felt when my mom died,"he started. "James told us he was going out on a food run, and we decided that we'd take a nap. When I woke up, James was still gone, and so was she.

"Well, she was still there, next to me, but she was dead.  Sometimes when I wake up, I forget that she's gone and automatically look for her beside me, and then I remember.

"And there used to be times when that made me cry, y'know? But now when I wake up, Thomas is usually there and, although it doesn't stop hurting, it feels bareable.

"John, until you find your own Thomas, and even after if you'd like, you're welcome to stay here with us, and we'll stay until you wake up from a bad dream and automatically go to tell your mom, because it's gonna happen. There will be days where her loss feels so fucking heavy on your chest and you need someone there to hold your hand and help you through it.

"I know that I'm willing to do that, if you want me to," Alex finished, cuddling even closer to John.

Thomas nodded. "Yeah, I'll be here as well, John, long as you need me," he mumbled. Alex shot him a grateful look and Thomas smiled back sadly.

John let out a sob and Thomas lay down next to him and wrapped his body around both him and Alex, cocooning them in a totally normal way. John felt Alex and Thomas next to him and for the first time all day he felt safe.

"Thank you guys," he croaked. "I-I didn't want to admit it but I need you." John's voice broke and he started crying.

Thomas rubbed his back reassuringly and Alex held his hand. After a while, John's heart-wrenching sobs quietened down to small sniffles and Alex wanted nothing more than to protect him.

Thomas looked over John's head at Alex. 'He's asleep,' Thomas mouthed and Alex nodded.

"Makes sense, poor boy's had the most emotionally draining day imaginable. All we can do it be here for him until he doesn't need us around anymore," he replied in a whisper. Thomas nodded and looked down at John fondly.

"Do you think he'll be alright?" he asked in a hushed voice. Alex shrugged.

"Is anyone truly alright after the loss of a parent?" he asked. Thomas looked thoughtful. Alex smiled and stretched over his best friend to kiss Thomas. "I love you."

Thomas asked, "Was it true, that stuff you said to John about waking up in the morning and looking for her and crying (holy shit I accidentally wrote frying and now I have an image of Alex standing in the kitchen, making some bacon or some shit cause his mom's dead) because she was gone?"

Alex nodded. "Yeah, and so was the bit about you being there instead helping," he replied. Thomas smiled sadly and sat up gingerly. John moved a little and both of them held their breaths but he settled again and Alex and Thomas let out an exhale.

Alex stayed next to John, cuddling his best friend in a way that could have been considered non-platonic but Thomas knew it was just because John needed comfort. He felt a smile appear on his face when Alex's eyelids lidded as the boy started to drift between consciousness and sleep.

He bent over and kissed Alex's forehead. "Go to sleep, darling, I'll be here when you wake up," he promised, and apparently that was all Alex needed because his eyes shut fully and his breathing slowed.

Thomas straightened up carefully, and walked out of the room. (Damn Tom, already breaking your promise?) He walked to the kitchen, where Angelica sat with Eliza and Peggy. "Hey guys," he said quietly, and Peggy's face turned towards his.

Her eyes were red and there were tracks on her face where her tears had run down. "Peggy, I'm so sorry," he apologised. Peggy shook her head, rubbing her eyes, which had started producing extra liquid.

"It's John you should be saying that to, not me. She wasn't related to me," Peggy argued weakly, leaning against Angelica. Angelica sends Thomas a look that tells him to tread lightly.

He sits down opposite her, and reaches across the table for Peggy's hands. "Just because yall weren't related, doesn't mean that you don't have the right to mourn," he says, rubbing her knuckles with his thumb. "Eleanor was close to all of you, and you guys are allowed to be upset that she's gone."

Peggy felt tears come to her eyes at Thomas's words and she placed her head in her hands and let out a sob. Angelica wrapped an arm around her sisters shoulders comfortingly.

" I think you should go back to Alex and John. They might be wondering where you are," she suggested, but Thomas knew she was telling him to get lost, he'd done enough.

He nodded, standing up. "Yes, I did promise I would stay," he admitted. Angelica made a shoo-ing gesture and Thomas left the room. He'd made it to the top of the stairs when the screaming began.