I'm Just Sayin' If You Really Loved Me You Would Share Him -A Jamilams Fanfic

Chapter Forty

Thomas ran back to Alex's room, and saw Alex sitting on his bed, hands in his hair and John kneeling behind him, hugging him tightly. Alex's eyes were shut and he was hyperventilating through his screams.

"Alex, Alex, it's alright, I promise, it's okay," John tried to sooth. Alex shook his head and continued screaming, his voice breaking.

"He promised! He told me he'd stay! Why didn't he stay?" Alex asked, breaking down in sobs. Thomas caught John's eye over Alex's shoulder as the smaller boy collapsed against him.

"It's alright Lex, he's here, okay? He's right here, walking towards us," John said quietly, holding him. Thomas could hear the tremor in his voice, could see how close he was to breaking down.

Thomas crossed the room as quickly as he could, and pulled both John and Alex into his arms. "Breathe, both of you. Just breathe," he attempted to say, but Alex yelled over him.

"You said, you promised that you would stay with me! And then I woke up alone with John and you were gone and do you know how scared I was? I thought that something had happened to you, and I was going to be alone again," he yell-sobbed.

John hugged Alex closer again, muttering in his ear, "I got you, ba-bro, I got you." Thomas pretended to ignore John's slip up, but they both felt it pressing on their minds. Thomas rubbed Alex's back, acting like it didn't matter when Alex pulled away and clung to John.

John looked so torn, and Thomas felt bad. The three sat there for a while, Alex's sobs refusing to go away and John and Thomas avoided the other's gaze firmly. It seemingly got too much for John, because he thrust Alex in Thomas's direction and bolted.

Thomas watched as the door slammed behind him, heard John's feet on the stairs as he ran. Alex looked up at Thomas with anger in his gaze. "Well? What are you waiting for? Go after him," he ordered, still teary.

Thomas obeyed instantly, running out of the room to follow his boyfriend's best friend. He heard the front door slam too and groaned. He followed, panting a little.

"Damn it Alex, you know I'm not a runner," he grumbled, pushing on. He could see John about to run across the road when a car came around the corner. His eyes widened as John stepped out, and with a sudden burst of energy he dove out onto the road shoving John out of the way.

John heard a scream and the screech of brakes as the car that had been rushing towards him stopped. He lay on the ground, frozen as the door of the car opened, followed quickly by the front door of the Schuyler residence.

Peggy appeared by his side worriedly. "John? John are you alright?" she asked. John continued to just lay there, his eyes wide.

"Thomas-" he choked. Peggy glanced over her shoulder and winced. "Thomas, he shoved me out of the way, he-he saved my life. Oh god." A whimper escaped and he covered his mouth.

Peggy eased John into a sitting position and he leaned over and vomited into the gutter. He glanced up as he  finished and saw Thomas laying there, Lafayette, Hercules, Angelica and Eliza leaning over him.

Almost unconsciously, John stumbled to his feet and walked towards Thomas, blood rushing through his ears, making him feel deaf. When he was at Thomas's side, he collapsed, grabbing his hand.

"Thomas," he whispered, his tongue feeling heavy. "Tommy, please you have to get up," he begged quietly. "Alex needs you, and he's not the only one, I need you too, please come back."

Alex ran over to them, and hearing his sobs as he leaned over Thomas broke John's heart. Alex rounded on John. "Alex, I'm so sorry, I never meant-" John tried to say.

"This is YOUR fault!" he yelled. "If you hadn't run away he wouldn't be lying here! If you had just stayed then Thomas would be okay!"

Laf approached Alex and put a hand on his back. "Mon ami, if this is anyone's fault it is mine, but I do believe that we didn't actually hit-"

Before he could finish his sentence, John looked down, and Alex followed his gaze to Thomas and John's joined hands. "Don't fucking touch him," he hissed.

John let go immediately and backed away. "I have to go, I shouldn't be here," he said, getting to the sidewalk and starting to jog.

"Yeah, just run away again, because that's solved all your problems so far, hasn't it!" Alex yelled after him. John stopped and turned to Alex.

"I wasn't the one who made Thomas come out after me! If it wasn't for Thomas, I'd be dead and you know what? I wish I was!" he cried.

Once he started talking, the words wouldn't stop. "I wish I was dead because then I'd be with my mom! Then I wouldn't have to sit here and watch you two all the time! I wouldn't have to hide anything!" he screamed.

Alex glared at him. "No one was making you hide anything," he fought. John laughed harshly.

"Oh yeah? Then maybe I shouldn't. You wanna know what's been bugging me all this time, Alexander? I'm gay, alright? I'm fucking gay and I didn't know how to tell you because you're the whole reason why!" he spat.

Alex blinked as realisation hit him. "That's why you and Peggy- why you were being so weird- how did I not notice?" he finally settled on that question.

John looked exhausted. "Because you're blind, Alexander. You always have been blind to people's feelings towards you," he said.

Laf tried to cut in again. "Mes amies, I really hate to break up this rather intimate conversation, but I didn't actually hit mon cousin," he explained.