I'm Just Sayin' If You Really Loved Me You Would Share Him -A Jamilams Fanfic

Chapter Fifteen

Alex let out a sigh, leaning against the cold, hard brick wall of the building. Thomas was long gone, but Alex wasn't quite ready to leave. 

His phone chimed, indicating that he had a message. He glanced at it to see that it was from Thomas. It said:

I'm home now
R u ok?

Alex paused, unsure of how to answer him. Physically, yes, he was perfectly fine, no different than he usually was. Mentally, though... He decided on:

Yeah, I'm nearly home anyway
See you tomorrow 

He had no idea how Thomas would respond to that. He didn't know why he assumed he would see through his blatant lie, it wasn't really that obvious and, as far as Thomas knew, he had no reason not to tell the truth.

Thomas didn't reply and Alex didn't bother checking to see if he'd even seen it. He let his knees buckle and allow him to sink to the ground. He knew that he shouldn't stay there, not with it so dark by now.

Alex rested his head against the stone at his back, sighing. He had no idea what he was going to do. He missed his brother, of course he did. But he hadn't had any blood family for ages. He wasn't sure he knew what to do with it.

James... the name brought a frown to his face. Why now, Jam? Why did you decide to show up now? This isn't fair. I have a life without you. I'm used to no you, no mom, no dad. You've ruined everything, Alex thought.

He must have been there less than two minutes, maybe three minutes before he thought about his other problems. 

James Madison. Alex would be lying if he said that he hadn't been expecting it. He had always been ready for Jamie to leave him. He didn't quite know what had triggered it, Thomas probably did though.

Thomas Jefferson. His other problem. Alex liked him, a lot. He was just so perfect. But, Alex was scared. Scared that things between them would change so quickly again. Scared that Thomas would realise how perfect he was and leave Alex, the broken mess. Scared that he might fall in love.

He knew it was an irrational fear, everyone fell in love at some point in their lives. Alex himself had been in love with James. But, still, he couldn't help but worry about what being in love with Thomas might be like. 

He knew that Thomas liked him too, maybe even loved him. But Alex just couldn't stop himself from thinking of the worst case scenario. 

He put his head in his hands as though he could control his own thoughts that way. Alex let his fingernails dig into his scalp as he thought, digging half moons into it. Somehow, the pain helped rationalise him and he could examine his thoughts clearly. 

Alex took deep breaths. Then he slammed his head against the wall behind him. The impact made him dizzy, but he could think properly now. 

Alex realised that he was being stupid. If things changed between him and Thomas, well, he'd been through a lot of change and he'd still managed to come out on top. 

If Thomas realised how perfect he was, then Alex would support him as a friend as he went to find his equal. And if Alex fell in love with Thomas Jefferson, he would deal with it. Maybe even tell him. 

He let out a shaky breath he hadn't been aware he'd been holding. Alex finally relaxed for the first time since him and Thomas had separated. 

Alex slowly got to his feet, dusting off his pants. He started walking in the direction of his house, a slight spring in his step.

He was alright. Thomas was alright. Everything was alright.

~Reverse (?) Time Skip to Thomas~Back to Just After Thomas Texted Alex~

Thomas had lied. 

He had lied to Alexander, the only person he truly liked right now. He honestly felt like a piece of shit. Why had he told Alex that he was home?

To be perfectly honest, Thomas had barely left the park. He was situated in a dark alley between two buildings, shady and honestly? If Thomas was a drug dealer this would be the perfect spot to sell. 

He sighed, pressing his forehead to the wall and looking at his phone. Alex had texted back:

Yeah, I'm nearly home anyway
See you tomorrow 

He felt relieved that Alex hadn't seen straight through him. He wasn't sure why, it could be hard to trace lies back through texts. 

Thomas leaned against the wall, nearly slamming his head against it. He felt like such an idiot for telling Alex that he was safe, when he really wasn't.

Usually he'd go to James's if he felt like this, but because of the day's events, he wasn't sure if he'd be welcome. Thinking of James made him feel sick to the stomach. 

How could he have broken up with Alexander the one time he needed him? How could Thomas have said such horrible things to his best friend? How could Alex be so calm about everything?

He exhaled loudly, on the verge of tears as he thought back to the things he had said to James and how upset Alex had been. 

Thomas stared after his crush for a moment before turning to James. "What the fuck, James?" he snapped. "Your boyfriend tells you that his brother is trying to drag him across the continent and your response is to break up with him?" James looked at the floor. 
"I had to Thomas," he whispered. "I had to."
"Oh yeah? He is as close to perfect as you can get, Jemmy. You had him. Why'd you let go?" Thomas asked, his voice quiet and sad. "I would have been happy watching you two continue to date, it eased the pain of me not being able to be with him actually, and you just threw that away. What's your reasoning behind dumping him?" 
"You," James answered. "How could you not see it Thomas? He's in love with you, hopelessly so. I couldn't keep him from that. No one could." Thomas scoffed. 
"James, if he wasn't happy or thought he'd be happier with me he would have told you. He was happy with you. He knew I didn't want a relationship and we both knew that he loved you." James didn't say anything. 
"Thomas, it's not just that. Remember Michael?" Thomas frowned in confusion. 
"You mean that cute boy who had a crush on his best friend that we first met last night? Of course I do, what does he have to- oh, you didn't. You did not just break up with Alexander fucking Hamilton, the love of my life, because you developed a fucking puppy crush on a guy you met yesterday."

Thomas shuddered as he flashed back to his harsh words. 

Thomas watched as Alex slowly lost his composure and broke down. It felt weird to watch, almost like this was something private. Thomas gently reached out a hand and touched his back to test the waters and see how he reacted. Alex slowly looked up at Thomas, his eyes slowly becoming red-rimmed. Then he gently touched Thomas's chest. That was the only thing needed to break Thomas's self-reservation and pull the broken boy towards his body. Alex cried into his chest quietly for a couple of minutes. Then he sat up and wiped away any leftover tears, pulling away from Thomas. 

Thomas choked back a sob at the memory of Alex's total distress. He had been so sad. Thomas hadn't even been sure what to do.

He remembered how Alex had tried to be strong and not actually broken down until Thomas had pressed him. 

Thomas groaned, lightly banging his head against the wall repeatedly. Then he realised, there was no point in dwelling in his past. There was only the future to think about. Thomas turned around, away from the little alleyway and walked out, towards his home. 

For now, he was alright. Alex was alright. Everything was alright.

~

If I were to write a oneshot book, would anyone read it?