I'm Just Sayin' If You Really Loved Me You Would Share Him -A Jamilams Fanfic

Chapter Forty Two

When John had stepped out of the room, Thomas turned Alex in his lap so that they were facing each other. "Are you okay?" he checked seriously, his giddiness wearing off now that John was gone.

Alex nodded hesitantly and Thomas shook his head. "I mean it, Alex, first I almost get hit by a car and you think I'm dead and then your best friend tells you he has feelings for both of us, that's not easy stuff to go through," he said exasperatedly.

Alex nodded again, more determination on his face. "Yes, I'm alright now. It was quite a shock and I'm not sure how I feel about that bombshell John dropped on us, but I'm alright," he answered.

Thomas pulled him closer and kissed the top of his head with a sigh, resting his cheek against the spot he'd just kissed. "Did you mean it when you said you could see John fitting into our dynamic?" he asked.

Alex replied, "Yeah, I did. Ever since that day when he said he had to talk to me, we've just been treating him like he's part of our relationship anyway. It got even more obvious after his mother..." Alex trailed off but Thomas knew what he meant.

"Yeah, I guess. Do you feel comfortable with it though?" he tried to confirm.

Alex looked mildly annoyed and shot back, "I just said I was, didn't I ?" Thomas shook his head and groaned, rubbing his temple agitatedly.

"No, Alex, you didn't, you just said that you could see John fitting into our relationship, not that you were happy with it," he explained. Alex glared.

He wanted to snap back a snappy remark, but he couldn't think of anything, so he just sat with his mouth open. Finally, he let out a sigh. "I like John, I really do," he started, almost causing a smile to appear on Thomas's face.

But then he continued, "But I don't know how I feel about John dating us." Thomas frowned, but nodded. 

"That's fair enough," he tried to empathize, but he found that it was a struggle. Alex swallowed hard. "I mean, no one wants you to force yourself to feel anything or date someone or whatever."

Alex scowled. "Who said that I'd have to force myself to like John romantically?" he asked irritably. Thomas raised an eyebrow.

"Okay, next question, do you have romantic feelings for John?" he shot back. Alex flushed and looked at the ground, fumbling with his fingers. "I'm not gonna be mad, no matter what your answer is," Thomas tried to assure him.

Alex continued to stare at the ground as he answered, "I never thought about it before now because I thought that nothing could ever come of it, but now that I've been presented with the opportunity..." 

Thomas nodded as Alex tailed off. "I get it, Alex,  I do. To be honest, I don't think John had romantic feelings for you until the whole James fiasco. Remember how he kissed him?" he asked.

Alex nodded slowly, bringing his eyes up to meet Thomas's. "Would you be annoyed if I feel for John?" he whispered miserably, and Thomas melted. 

"Never. It would be kinda hypocritical of me if I was," he replied in an equally low tone.

Alex curled into Thomas's chest, steeling himself to ask the next question on the tip of his tongue. "Would you be annoyed if I didn't want to share you?" he queried. Thomas paused. 

"If you didn't want to share me...?" he repeated. "How'd you mean?"

Alex looked despairing. "If I didn't want John to join us because I wanted you to myself," he reiterated. Thomas looked taken aback. Alex rushed to explain, "I mean, it feels like I just got you to myself and I don't know if I'm ready to share with him yet."

Thomas frowned. "Alex, I'm not your property, you can't just decide that you don't want me to show affection to someone else," he argued. 

Alex's face showed that he was upset. "That wasn't what I was trying to say! I know that you don't belong to me, that wasn't what I meant. I just wanted you to understand that I'm not ready to let John into our relationship because I'm still adjusting to our relationship. 

"We've been through so much in such a short time, and it's still hard to believe that you're my boyfriend, and having a second boyfriend wouldn't help that in the slightest," he tried to elaborate.

Thomas's frown didn't show any signs of letting up, but he spoke anyway. "Alex, this is a decision that both of us need to be involved in. If you don't want to be with John, then John doesn't join our relationship.

"That doesn't have to be a permanent thing, and John would understand if you wanted to think over it for longer, wrap your head around your feelings for him before we dated him. The only thing is, if he started dating someone else, you couldn't get mad because he's still his own person.

"John cares about you, and that isn't going to stop, even if you don't want to date him. He's always been your best friend first and foremost. He proved that that time in the James situation where he chose you over Peggy. He isn't going to leave you because you don't want to date him, so take your time with this decision," Thomas told him.

Alex nodded, resting his head against Thomas's chest, listening to him heartbeat. "I don't know," he said in a small voice. "But I want to know."

Thomas nodded gently, rubbing Alex's back. "I know darlin, I know," he assured him. "You don't have to know right now, but try to figure it out for me, yeah?"

"Yeah."