Teachers Pet

chapter 21: occlumency

"So how is this gonna work?" I said taking off my robes and laying them on the table. He finally looked at me and for a second and looked as if he was already tired of me. I folded my arms waiting for instructions. "First off I want to know what you know already?" he asked leaning against his desk. "Well Beauxbatons taught me pretty much everything well I read a book there about it, except how to actually do either" I said smiling up at him. He hummed in response and thought for a moment "And may I ask for the real reason as to why you want to do this?" he said brows furrowed. I looked around for a second thinking up a good excuse. "I just don't want anyone in my head" I said looking down. "And you would also like to get into people's heads as well?" he said a sarcastic look on his face at my doubled sided statement. "Well why did you learn how?" I said looking at him and leaning against my table. "I had to." he said in a cold tone as if to say don't ask anymore questions. "Look if you don't want to do this you don't have to," I said looking sad and turning to grab my robes. "Y/n it's fine, plus Albus suggested that it wasn't such a bad idea" he said quietly, I paused for a moment, turning to him confused. He told Dumbledore? "What? You talked to Dumbledore about me?" I said more confused and worried than anything. He sat up straight off his desk and his face displayed a look of guilt almost. Like he wasn't supposed to say that. "Yes, I asked him for permission." he said turning and fiddling with papers on his desk. I'm not amazing at reading Severus since he was so hard to read, but I sensed he was lying and walked over to him. "Why did he think it was a good idea?" I said suspiciously and raised an eyebrow. He opened his mouth to speak but then paused for a moment. "You'll have to ask him yourself." he said, still not looking at me, whatever he wasn't telling me I would find out one way or  another. "Severus" I said in a more confident tone, to which he looked up at me with a glare. "Are there people that want to invade my mind?" I said spitting out any conspiracies I was cooking up in my head, I remembered the night when I was spying on him and Dumbledore's conversation about the Death eaters in Hogsmeade, they were talking about a girl and I still wondered if it was me, and that's why he was so secretive. "What no of course not if there were I'm sure you'd know" he said reverting back to his normal cold tone. As if he could intimidate me at this point. "Let's begin shall we?" he said, stepping around from behind his desk. 

We stood apart from each other but first Snape raised his wand locking the doors. I looked back from the door to him, I guess he didn't want anyone to disturb our lesson. "Relax, and clear your mind of all thoughts and emotions, make it blank and calm" he said in his silky voice. Yeah cause this is so easy to do when all I can think about is the very man in front of me. "Okay." I said closing my eyes and doing my best to clear my head. "I'm going to attempt to enter your mind, now this may seem scary if you don't succeed in deflecting it, but it's going to be hard to get it on your first try." he said in a more apologetic tone, "Try not to see all my thoughts please" I said worried, I was determined to not let him in at all, I couldn't risk him seeing my feelings for him, I didn't consider the part about him actually having to try to read my mind in order for me to protect it. "I can only see if you allow it, now once I say the word you are going to start out with a simple shielding spell, or you can try a disarming spell on me understand?" he said and I nodded smiling "Although I prefer you don't do the second" he said in a serious tone.

I closed my eyes once more and cleared my head, numbing my body and looking into my mind and silencing everything else around me. I took a deep breath and slowly nodded my head, my hands sweaty, signaling I was ready. Shield my mind, this should be easy. I pulled my wand from my skirt and steadied my feet. "You must shut down your mind the minute I speak and the moment you feel me get into your head, it's going to be tricky your first try, so be prepared." he said softly. I kept my eyes closed, I didn't want to risk looking into his eyes and leaving my mind vulnerable. "Is it going to hurt?" I asked before he began. "No, although it may uncover hurtful memories" he said in a more somber tone. I shook my head and got ready. I heard him let out a breath and felt him raise his wand, "Legilimens" he said softly. I could feel him enter my mind almost instantly, it was a strange feeling, just them I saw memories flash before my eyes. Me seeing my mom cry, it was like I was on display for him to see, I was almost in that moment again. I tapped her shoulder, she yelled at me. Snape was trying to stay out of the more personal parts of my mind, although that was a difficult task. It was gone fast as soon as it ended, a new one popped up. My first day at Beauxbatons, a big smile on my face as I walked in, my blue shiny new uniform. Another, my second year, the mean girls that picked on me, this was when they decided to ruin all my textbooks by throwing them in the toilets. He seemed to move on quicker from that one, then it was my fourth year, my sister was talking to me about defending myself against them, teaching me the spell to get them off my back, her smile and her comforting voice, telling me "you won't have anymore issues with them" smiling and hugging me. I tried shielding my mind, I didn't want to see anymore, and I didnt want him to see them either. I kept muttering a shielding spell trying to focus it but it didn't work. I felt him exit my head and I opened my eyes with a small gasp.