Teachers Pet

chapter 38: the honest truth

I sniffled wiping the tears as they fell and sped off down the hall. I ran to my dormitory and entered the Slytherin common room. I didn't see anyone so I let the tears continue down as I made my way to my room. As soon as my door shut I let out a few sobs walking over to my bed and sitting down. I rested my head in my hands as I cried thinking over and over about what he had said. I shook my head trying to get the words out of my head, but still they lingered. I stood up walking back and forth trying to stop myself from crying. He called me so many mean and cruel things, things never in a million years I imagined him saying to me. I started sobbing harder, losing my breath and choking on the air. I sobbed harder as I began hyperventilating, this rarely happened to me, only when the emotions were getting unbearable. I walked over to the bathroom still trying to catch a breath and looked at myself in the mirror. Red cheeks and puffy swollen eyes. The damp tears stains on my face, I stared into my eyes trying to snap out of it and breathe. Come on y/n just breathe focus. I closed my eyes and focused on anything other than him. Nothing was working and I could feel a headache coming on. I exited the bathroom, still sharp breaths not being able to calm myself down as the tears flowed endlessly. I ran over to my window and opened it quickly, the cold air hitting my face and lungs. I quickly took my top off and held my hair up. I finally was able to pause for a moment coughing and sucking in a deep breath. I let myself take in deep breaths as I calmed down. I looked down and dropped my hair when I saw myself. To prevent myself from having another fit I closed my eyes and focused on getting my heartrate back down. I slowly opened my eyes back up and walked over to my mirror. I cupped my mouth when I saw myself. My whole neck and shoulders were covered in black veins, it covered my entire left arm and was making its way down my right. I walked up closer to the mirror, brushing my fingers over my skin. "What the fuck?" I said, the tears now pausing as I examined my skin. "I can't do this right now." I said to myself, voice wavering. I had too much trauma for today and it was too much for my brain to handle. I closed my eyes trying to find something good to think about, but nothing worked, I was just overwhelmed with sadness and anger. I put my top and robes back on and exited my room. I kept my head down as I made my way to the astronomy tower. I could always think better there.

I made my way up the stairs, successfully avoiding all the students and staff. I slowly walked over to the ledge and looked up at the sky, I looked down at my watch and it read half past nine. I had two hours until midnight. But I didn't feel like celebrating, there was no point anyway we weren't having the firework show, there was no point it was just the start to another stupid year. I sat down, letting my legs dangle over. I looked up at the moon and admired it. Trying to focus on its beauty rather than all my issues. I turned and looked at the spot behind me. The very spot I met with my professor on a few occasions. The very spot he kissed me. I closed my eyes remembering the feeling of his lips. I let out a sigh and looked back out over the school. The view from here was beautiful. I looked down at the ground, I was very high up. Sometimes I wished I could just jump off and free fall, but not actually hit the ground. I thought for a moment. I'm a witch. Who's to say I can't? Aresto momentum is the spell to stop falling I believe. But I'd never done it before. I looked under my robes and noticed the majority of my skin was back to normal. I still had the dark veins covering my neck and chest but my arms were clear of it. I thought about my ability to read Luna, Remus' and Snape's minds. How was I able to do that so easily? Especially with Snape. I thought about the common factor of all of them. The veins, they showed up when I was feeling stressed or sad and with them the ability to read someone's mind? That didn't make sense though because I still didn't know where the veins came from or why they were here. I looked out over the horizon and examined the grounds. I paused staring into the forbidden forest. "Wait." I thought aloud. The night in the forest, that flower did something to me, what if it was what caused these. I thought back to the events after the flower basically zapped me. He carried me back and made sure I was ok. All of that just for him to act this way. I looked down over the edge and stared down to the ground. The snow covered the grass below and I stared down the hundred feet below. No way i'm serious right? I mean what if I'm wrong and I just hit the ground, that would be it. I thought for a moment and held out my hand, "Accio." my broom hit my palm and I stood up hopping on and jumping up off the tower. I flew myself up into the cold air, stopping to overlook the grounds. I sighed, a cloud of breath from the cold coming out, the clouds surrounding me as I flew up higher. I flew high above the cloud line and looked up at the moon. If I hadn't been so upset I would have smiled at the beauty of its glow. I flew fast down and spinning through the clouds, I had known a bit about flying but just enough to get me around. I flew back straight up over the black lake. I looked down into the dark water. I watched the water slowly ripple with the wind. I looked up at the clouds and stars. The cold air brushed by. I raised my wand and slowly spun it around, "Expecto Patronum." I whispered as the blue light left my wand and out shot my patronus. I smiled watching the Abraxan fly gracefully around me. I felt a small smile come to my face as the blue glow from her reflected on my skin. She flew up next to me and I let a hand off my broom, balancing with my wand in the other, and reached out for her. I couldn't physically feel her, but I could feel her energy as I rested my hand on her head. She lowered her head bowing and flew straight up, flapping her wings as cold gusts blew my hair. She stopped high in the air and darted straight down, I grabbed my broom and flew straight down beside her, flying through the towers and back straight up into the sky. I smiled at her, but it faded quickly at the reminder of my professor, he'd come and saved me when she went to him. I flew up high back over the lake and steadied myself in the air. She came flying up next to me flapping her wings

"I wish I didn't feel this way." I said to the blue spirit. I looked down at the lake through the clouds. "I thought he cared for me the way I did for him, but I guess I really am just naïve." I added looking back at the large horse. I thought for a moment and looked up at the moon. I tucked my wand into my waist and took my hands off my broom, balancing myself on the stick. I looked over at her and she huffed and a cloud of blue smoke flowed in the air. I looked back down and let out a breath I'd been holding in. I closed my eyes and outstretched my arms, feeling the cold gusts of wind pass around me. I rested my arms back down at my sides and thought for a moment, looking back up at the stars. Not taking my eyes off them and the bright moon I fell backwards off my broom and let myself fall down. I watched as I fell through the clouds and the stars twinkled above me. Everything was in slow motions again and I watched as my patronus stared down at me and disappeared in the sky. I smiled looking at the stars and feeling the weight light off my body. I closed my eyes and fell down through the empty sky, a serene calm falling over me for a second, a second of pure bliss and emptiness. No sadness or anger, just quiet. The calm before the storm. I felt myself approaching the water and opened my eyes. I was about ten feet from the surface as I snapped back to reality and muttered a quiet "Aresto momentum." I felt myself slow and stopped a few feet from the surface of the murky water. I held my hand out and my broom came flying down into it. I sat back atop it and flew to the tree that overlooked the lake. I got off my broom and sent it away. I brushed my hands through my hair and laughed. "Holy fuck that was amazing." I said as I continued laughing. "I just fell from the sky, and was able to just stop myself." I said aloud as I kept laughing, but the laughter died when all my burdens came back to me. I felt the weight come back over me as the adrenaline died and I started sobbing again. Falling to the ground and crying as I felt the weight and pain overtake me once more. This was getting tiring so quickly. And I just needed something to make it all go away even if it was just for a little while. I continued crying softly bringing my legs to my chest and tucking my head down. I looked at my watch through my blurry eyes. It was eleven o'clock and here I was crying over a dumb man. But even after what he said I still wanted to be wrapped up in his arms, taking in his scent. I sighed at my foolish thoughts and shook my head laughing at myself. "Y/n?" I heard a kind voice say behind me, the footsteps crunching in the snow, I looked up and saw Remus standing there smiling down at me. "Hi." I said sniffling and looking away, wiping my tears. He sat down next to me and looked out over the lake.