Teachers Pet

chapter 77: guilt

Severus and I spent the next week trying to figure out what may have been the reason this happened, he had never heard of something like this before. He was constantly checking books for answers, along with conversing with some friends he said he had. Eventually, I told him to just give up, unless it happened again I wasn't going to worry. He didn't like this answer, but after a couple of arguments, he finally seceded.

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It had been months and Severus and I were doing good. It was almost June already and I was a bit worried. The school year was almost over and Severus hadn't asked me what I was gonna do for the summer. I didn't want to go home and I was sure he would have figured that out. But he didn't ask me to come stay with him. Maybe he thought it was dangerous? Or maybe he thought it wasn't what I wanted. I haven't felt anything from Voldemort in a while. It was like he just stopped trying. No more whispers, or nightmares. It was normal again, my curse only flaring up when Severus and I would get heated. Which speaking of, we still had not had sex. I was starting to feel a little insecure about it. I thought he was just waiting for me to speak up, or was trying to be respectful, but as of late he just keeps rejecting me. Never going past a passionate caressing and make-out session. I started to try and seduce him a little too, but still nothing. He would just ignore it, or make up an excuse. He had been a little more distant too. He would still talk to me and have me over, but we hardly spoke or hung out. Aside from a few exchanges and then any moments we might have had, he was just uninterested.

Draco was even worse now, not so much as glancing at the rest of us. He moved tables in potions and left Harry a sad mess from spontaneously ending things with him. I wish he'd talk to me but he just looked bad. Never smiling, dark circles under his eyes, no matter how he cleaned up, he still had no light inside. I had tried going to see Albus about it, but he wasn't there, or if he was he didnt answer. I hadn't seen him in awhile and I was getting concerned. Severus ignored and put down my statements of worry. Telling me he was fine, and he'd just spoken with him. He would always say he was just busy with the Ministry, or trying to figure out ways to keep me safe.

It was about time for the N.E.W.T.s and O.W.L.s meaning lots of students were studying and getting extra practice. Since we didn't have any this year the group, minus Luna and Ginny, just took it easy. The teachers were light on the homework and Severus had canceled our tutoring sessions since he was having a lot of kids bugging him about extra credit. I was making my way back from Hogsmeade with Hermione, Ron, and Harry. We had been shopping all day, enjoying the weekend before exams finally started up. Using up the galleons we had to spare. "I just hope Trelawney doesn't make us do any last-minute projects." Ron groaned and we all nodded along. Harry was walking next to me, obviously upset. I figured I knew why but I decided to check up on him still. "Hey how have you been doing Harry?" I asked nudging him lightly as Hermione and Ron bickered about something. "Ive been alright." He muttered quietly and I nodded, "I saw Draco today, we bumped into each other in the hallway. He just scoffed and walked on like he used to. Not even so much as a sorry." he added and I looked at him with a sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry. I'm sure he misses you, there's gotta be something going on that's making him this way." I spoke softly and he just let out a breath.

We all parted ways as we went back to our rooms, planning to meet up for dinner later. I didn't know how I would waste time until then, but I figured some reading in the astronomy tower would do me some good. I made my way over, walking up the many stairs and sitting down by the open air. I rarely came up here in the daytime, it was refreshing seeing Hogwarts green and sunny. The winter seemed to last forever. I closed my eyes as a breeze went over my face. Embracing the warm daylight on my skin. Every day I only grew more anxious about what was to come. Voldemort had gone quiet, surely not a good sign, not knowing when he was going to show up next, would he take me before the summer? During it? I didn't know, and I hated not knowing. Always being cautious of my next move, and aware of my surroundings. I had to stay on my toes in case he came from nowhere. I barely got to talk about this with Snape, never getting an answer from him on when he believes the Dark Lord will attack.

Snape POV

"I'm afraid we don't have long, Severus." the old man said from his desk. Snape walked over to him carefully lifting the old man's fragile hand, examining the curse. "Albus, are you planning on telling her soon? She deserves to know." The dark-haired man furrowed his brows and watched as Albus just sighed, staring at Severus and not speaking. "You're not-" Severus began and paused to scoff, "You're not going to just let her find out along with all the others, are you?" The wise man just looked down, taking off his half-moon framed glasses and setting them down. "Albus you can't just let her find out from Minerva, or whoever delivers the news to the students." Severus argued and the man continued to stay silent, "It's complicated Severus." Severus just scoffed, shaking his head, "Explain to me why you would keep this from her, your goddaughter." Severus grew annoyed and watched as the grey-haired man stood, walking over to the window. "Because Severus, If she finds out she's going to try to stop it. And we both know that cant happen." Albus quipped back, "And she can never know it was you.." Albus began turning to face Severus, "If she finds out, she might spiral." Severus got still for a moment at what the man before him was suggesting. "You expect me to lie to her?" Albus just nodded, "She can't know it was you, or your title will be exposed and she will learn of your other life." he looked down at Snapes arm and back up to him. Snape rolled his shoulder back slightly, "Albus if she found out I had lied she would-" Snape paused as Albus made eye contact with him, waiting for him to go on. Severus just thought for a moment, unsure of what to say that didn't make him seem too concerned, although he was fairly certain the man before him had known of you two's affairs for some time now. "She would never trust me again." he finished off and Albus just nodded, "I know, and she would become a danger to herself, and others, which is why she can't know." Severus didn't like what he was hearing, only being able to think about the look on your face if you found out what he'd done. The hatred you would feel for him. The way he would beat himself up over being the cause of your pain. Not being able to look you in the eyes without seeing the sense of betrayal and guilt. The shock that would drown you when you find out about the mark on his arm. He never dwelled on that fact. The truth coming out before he can prove to you he was doing it for the good of the wizarding world, for your future. You standing before him and being told the man you'd claimed to love, that claimed to love you as well, killed the last family you cared for, and then worked for the very man that had killed your sister. The two stood in silence, "Who am I to say did it?" Severus questioned and Dumbledore just shook his head, "Don't worry about that, I've made arrangements." Severus just nodded along, "You're doing a brave and noble thing Severus." Dumbledore said in a respectful tone. Snape just looked away, unhappy this was needing to happen at all, "Yes well I can't let a child who has only seen the worst, suffer for the rest of his life over something that has nothing to do with him. I just hope the Dark Lord will not be upset that I stepped in the way of Malfoys fate." Dumbledore looked into the dark eyes of the man next to him, "The date is set, the last day of June." Dumbledore sighed and sat back down in his chair.

"That's barely a month away Albus." The old man nodded and Severus just stared at him, looking for any response. "Which is why you need to prepare." Severus just kept a cold look on his face, turning to storm out of the office. "Severus when I'm gone..." Severus stopped, barely looking over his shoulder, "its going to release a wave of chaos. He is going to come for her as you know, but.." Severus turned a little more, looking the man in the eyes. The mans soft yellowing blue ones sending a sympathetic gaze. "But you're not going to be able to stop him, no matter how hard you try, its important you know this." Albus seemed all too calm delivering this information, but laced in his solemn tone was a sense of guilt for saying something of the sort to the tortured man infront of him. Severus stiffened and processed what he was being told, he grew angry at the comment, his face turning to a scowl, he opened his mouth to argue but Albus interrupted, "Its also important you remember how hard you try. You can't stop him from taking her, but you can make sure she knows you did everything you could to stop it." Severus stood in shock, for once at a loss of words. He would never allow this. But part of him believed the wise man. He felt like the room was closing around him at the comment and he just sucked in a breath and stormed out of the office.

a/n

Y/n abt Draco in a Snape fic I read: He doesn't constantly taunt me saying the love of my life is in love with me when he isn't, he doesn't talk about the negative aura I have in public places, and most of all I'm not in love with him so I don't constantly feel like crying.