Teachers Pet

chapter 37: the fight

 I approached his room and knocked on his door lightly. I didn't hear an answer so I knocked again and waited patiently. Still nothing so I pulled out my wand and unlocked the door, I slowly opened it and peaked my head in looking around. I didn't see him so I walked in and closed the door behind me. I went over to his storage closet but he wasn't in there. Where on earth would he be other than here and the dining hall. I walked over to his desk and looked at the bookshelf behind it. I skimmed them over trying to find the large leather book I found that one day, the one he so rudely snatched out of my hands before I could get a good look. But It wasn't there. I turned and looked at his desk pulling his chair out and looking through all the drawers. I felt a little dirty doing this but something told me that the book was important, and it may be helpful. I pulled the last drawer but it was locked. "That's a little suspicious." I whispered to myself pulling my wand out and muttering a spell to unlock it. I tried to pull it open once more but it was still locked. "Damn." he had probably put a lock like on his bedroom door. Just then his door to his quarters opened and he came walking out of it, flicking his wand causing the door to shut and lock behind him. I quickly stood up and moved from behind his desk. He turned and a scowl filled his face when he saw me standing there beside his desk, I smiled awkwardly and he slowly walked over to me. "What are you doing in here?" he drawled out in a deep and monotone voice. "Did you hear?" I asked walking over to sit on my table. "About the Death Eater attack in Hogsmeade?" I leaned back on my arms looking over his expression. He tensed up a bit and let out a sarcastic sigh. "Yes I did, now can you please leave?" he said clearly annoyed, I could tell he was getting more frustrated by the second. "No. We need to talk." I said smiling. "We have nothing to discuss Ms. L/n." he said scoffing and rolling his eyes. "Oh really so you are just gonna pretend the Yule ball didn't happen?" I said hopping off the table and walking over to him. "Like I said that was a mistake." he said coldly looking down sharply at me. "So you just happened to tell me how you cared for me, and then kissed me?" I said crossing my arms and looking up at him. He looked at me with dark eyes, he was angry and I could tell he didn't know what to say. "Look I get if you are just trying to be careful, with your job and Albus almost catching us, but at least be honest with me. Or are you too much of a coward to even do that?" I asked with a more serious tone looking into his black eyes. It was odd I could barely see any emotions in them, he just looked...stuck. "I am not a coward." he snapped back at me. "Really? Ok then tell me, why did you kiss me?" I asked pressing further, I could see his eyes getting darker, filling up with more anger, his shoulders tensing. "It was a mistake. You were in a fragile state and I wasn't thinking straight. Now forget about it!" he said, slightly raising his voice. I shook my head in disbelief and scoffed. "You're pathetic. I told you I loved you that night. Or did you just happen to forget about that? Because I know I didnt, I didn't even know I felt that way about you until you kissed me." I spat back, not taking my gaze off his. "Merlin you are such an idiot Y/n!" he yelled his hands squeezing into fists. "Why? Because I'm trying to deal with the situation instead of running from it?" I retorted, feeling my own anger start to get to me. "You don't know what you're talking about! Now get out!" he hissed towering over me. "No! Not until we talk about this!" I said not moving from my spot. He scoffed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "You know I was almost taken by the death eaters today? Do you even care about that fact?" I looked into his eyes for any signs. All I found was anger and a bit of guilt. But what was it he felt guilty about? Was it being mean to me? Or for lying to me about something? "Do you even know what that means? They were probably going to take me to the Dark Lord!" He looked up into my eyes and I could see a sense of fear almost. I didn't know Severus was ever afraid. "And this got a fuck ton worse today!" I said moving my hair and pointing to my neck. He looked down at it and eyed it suspiciously. He almost reached out to examine it, but pulled his hand away and rested it back at his side. I scoffed at the action, "Dumbledore doesn't know anything. Not about us, about this thing, or about why they tried to take me!" I bellowed. "You are so foolish if you believe he doesn't know about what happened with us. He knows everything!" he cursed in a deep and stern tone. His anger returning to his face. I paused for a moment. "Ok so what if he does? If he was gonna do something about it, he would have already. I think he's got bigger things on his plate at the moment. Like his goddaughter almost being KIDNAPPED!" I yelled now very frustrated with the man. I felt the familiar sting in my shoulder and winced a bit as I grabbed it. Severus looked at it and furrowed his brows slightly. I looked down and saw it was spreading to my shoulder again. I Ignored it and looked back up at him. "You need to leave." he said, turning and walking to his desk, in an attempt at a calm tone, but I could see he was practically steaming. He had a weird look in his eyes, like there was something he wasn't telling me. "No we are not finished!" I stammered loudly following over behind him. "You know something don't you? I always hear you and Dumbledore whispering. I heard your conversation my first week here! I know that you were afraid of me running into the Death Eaters. Why? Is it because you knew they were after me?!" I pressed on, no matter how angry he got and how loud he yelled, I wasn't leaving till I got some answers. "You have no business eavesdropping on adult conversations." he growled, still his back facing me. "Oh don't start with that bullshit, I'm sixteen not twelve! And you were talking about me! I have a right to know what's going on! So tell me it's the least you could do! I bet you lied about the night in the forest too didn't you?" I inquired, noticing his shoulders straighten a bit. I felt my upper arm begin to sting and hissed as I looked down at it, my veins were slowly darkening further down my arm. "I know you are hiding something from me so just tell me Severus!" I yelled watching as he tensed up at his name. "Do not call me that!" he barked. "Oh please, I can see right through your little façade so just tell me what the fuck is going on!" I shouted, grabbing his arm and turning him to face me. I looked up into his eyes, they were pure black, full of anger and confusion. "What happened to me in the forest!?" I questioned, "Is it the reason I have these?" I said, pointing to my arm. He looked slightly shocked noticing it was spreading down my arm. He looked back up at me, walking over closer and looking down on me. "Listen to me when I say this. I do not know anything about your foolish antics and whereabouts, nor do I care. I do not care that you hurt yourself in the woods and are now facing the consequences. I do not care you are being an idiotic child and claiming you are in love with me, because like you said you are sixteen, you know nothing! And for the last time, I do not care about you. The kiss was a poor snap judgment and will never ever happen again!" he yelled down at me, his voice was so cold and cruel. He hasn't spoken to me like this before. I could feel my throat get dry and clutched my wrist as I felt the sharp stabbing feeling. My arm was completely covered in black veins and I could feel the sharp stabs all the way up. I looked back up into his eyes they were so empty and lost. I thought about my next move and decided he couldn't get meaner than this. I caught him off guard and stared deeply into his eyes. If I had done it with Remus, there wasn't any reason to believe I couldn't do it with Snape. "Legilimens." I thought to myself, not taking my eyes from his. I could feel him fighting it off, but it was more like he wasn't aware it was me doing it. I saw his head tilt slightly and he looked over my facial expression. I pushed myself harder and harder eventually feeling some tension release. I could see his eyes falter for a moment. "You know Severus, you're right, I don't know why I love you. And I hope to Merlin it goes away, because I can not live loving a vile man such as yourself." I said, trying to antagonize him. I almost felt bad doing it, I didn't believe those things fully, but I was feeling a lot of emotions right now. And my arm almost felt numb from the pain. I felt his mind slip when I spat it out, I knew it would get to him. I dove right in flipping through memories as fast as possible. I watched his expression as I read his thoughts, he got a cold and stern look on his face once he realized what I was doing. He almost looked shocked at first. Which made sense since he had only just taught me and here I was already in his mind without him even knowing. He quickly kicked me out and closed it off but I just smiled. He had tried to scare me and lie to me. But his thoughts differed, and they proved he did care for me and was indeed too afraid to admit anything. "Get out!" he yelled causing me to flinch slightly. "I could have died today Severus. So dont look me in the eye and lie. You're lucky Remus was there to save me." I said sharply, he scoffed and shook his head, "Then by all means fall in love with him and stay away from me! I'm sure you two would be very happy, you are both ignorant and stuck-up!" he yelled back. "Don't take your personal vendetta against Remus out on me! I know all about what him and his friends did to you. And I understand why you'd hate them. But he is a good man who risked his life for me. Which is a lot more than I can say you did." a lump in my throat forming. "He has no business telling you anything about me! And I am not lying when I say that you are stupid and insecure. You have no clue what you are doing. And as far as I see it, the Dark Lord has his reasons, and if he wants you, he can take you. Now get out of my room and go run off with your new friend!" he reprimanded, looking down at me coldly with dark and empty eyes. He looked just like he did the first time I saw him, only more evil. I couldn't believe what I'd just heard. I felt my arm sting even more and felt it spread across my neck and shoulders. Now crossing over to the other side. I felt tears begin to form and my skin get hot from my anger. I saw him look down at me and I let the tears fall, powering through the pain I felt across my chest. "How dare you say such a thing." I sobbed quietly. He just remained stiff, his face pale and his eyes cold. "You're right Remus does make me happy, I guess you can forget about my feelings for you. Remus could make me feel so much better than you ever could." I hissed tears streaming down my face. I saw his eyes fill quickly with anger as he noticed what I was insinuating. He hated that man, and as much as he said he didn't care for me, anger and envy overtook his expression at the thoughts I was putting out. "Now do me a favor and go fuck yourself. I can't believe I ever even called you a friend, let alone my first love." I stammered as I quickly wiped my tears "You were foolish for ever believing we were friends, I take no part in your obsessions." he growled back. I huffed and turned and stormed away down the hall. Hot tears rushing down my cheeks.