Stay With Me - Yeongyu FF

Chapter 34

Beomgyu POV

When I wake up, I realise that we are laying on my bed, basically cuddling. Probably because of my relationship with Yeonjunie, this situation seemed very awkward and wrong to me. So I get up, trying not to wake my brother up, and go downstairs.

I still haven't "forgiven" - more like understood - my brother's reaction to me and Junie, and his explanation for it, but I'm really trying to.

When I see 'Ma, who was watching a movie, I go sit beside her.

"You're awake? It's been about an hour. What happened up there?" she asks. I explain that happened when he found the ring.
"I'm sorry" she says, "I'll talk to him"
"He's still sleeping" I notify her. She nods, still watching her movie.

I then decide, after a few minutes, to call Yeonjun again, tell him about what happened. As soon as I finish explaining, I realise that I'm crying. But not only sobs and hiccups, an explosion of hysteria and tears, so loud that 'Ma hears me. My emotions take my words away, and I can't even excuse myself to anyone. 'Ma grabs my phone, answering at my place.

"Hi Yeonjun. I'm sorry… Do you mind if he calls you back later?" she asks, hugging me.
"No problem" he answers before ending the call himself.

I cry. I just… cry. And I scream. I scream things like "How is it bad?", "Why does he find it wrong?", "I'm still human". I shout useless, senseless words here and there. By now I'm pretty sure I woke him up, but it feels so good I just don't want to stop. I think this was just the final straw, in a way, because I felt even better than a year or so ago. No matter how cliché it is to say that, it feels like I had a wegith on my chest that just went 'poof', and I feel much lighter.

I then start thinking. I think about how I can make him like me. I realise that if I want to do that, I'm going to have to "remove" my gay.

Humans are atoms. Literally, of course, but I'm thinking of something else. All the atoms' are sorted into families. One of them is the noble gazes. They are the ones all other atoms want to be like, and they have to either associate themselves with others into molecules or lose or gain an electron to become like them. Humans are atoms. There are people who are admired by everyone, that you either want to be like or want to live up to their expectations of you. And if you want that, you need to either have certain friends or change who you are.

And I need to become an ion.

Now learn your chem.

Now, my cries have died down, and I feel a second pair of arms around me.

"I'm really sorry" I hear my brother say.
I hug him back: "It's okay. I think I needed to cry anyway"
"No. No, that's not what I meant. I meant, about what I said"
I smile. "I swear, it's okay"

He smiles too, then clears his throat and turns to 'Ma.

"I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to go. I have some work to do"
"No problem. Come back soon!" she says, still hugging me and trying to comfort me.

I watch him as he kisses 'Ma's cheek and my forehead and leaves the house. I then hug 'Ma back tightly, crying again.

It's only an hour later that I manage to call Yeonjun again. I excuse myself for what happened, but he says it's okay. I admit that I found it rather calming to just bawl my eyes out for once, and he says it's normal. He always comforts me. I tell him that I knew I was going to be much more emotive when talking to him because he's the person I trust the most and feel most comfortable with, sometimes even more than 'Ma because of how much smaller the age gap as between us, and he says it's because he's "the bestest boyfriend". It makes me laugh. It's the first real laugh I manage to have all day, and I'm sure Yeonjun noticed too, cuz he asks me if I'm feeling better. I say that I am and we start talking about other things.