Stay With Me - Yeongyu FF

Chapter 38

Beomgyu POV

Yeonjun arrives at about 1pm, while I'm eating. I feel slightly embarrassed of eating in front of him, especially eating alone in front of him. I'm just here, eating some sort of medically-acceptable fried rice, while he just talks and watches. Sometimes I stop eating to talk to him, and don't take another mouthful until he turns his look away. I only finish eating at 1.30pm, but it's okay.

Yeonjun is basically crying this time. I understand that it's only now that the gravity of my situation dawned on him. It makes me sad, but it's only for one week, then I'll be better.

I try to make him smile by making shitty puns at every word he says. It works, and we make some sort of pun battle. Senseless and, for the outsiders of our relationship, completely insane. He talks about how he feels guilty for not taking care of me, but I say it's fine. He says he can't wait for me to leave the hospital, I agree. We basically did small talk filling the pun battle, which I find sad, but I guess he's really not in the mood. He leaves really soon, saying that he has matters to attend to. Once he's gone, I lie in bed, pondering. What's wrong with him?

After maybe thirty minutes, I take my phone, thinking about whether or not to call him. I realized with the pun battle that talking had become easier, so I can call him, maybe he'll hide his true feelings less. It's easier to modify or unsend a message than it is to correct an emotion.

Call me philosopher Beomgyu.

But I have to admit that, if it's easier by text for Yeonjun, it's also easier for me, because if it's anything about me that's bothering him, well...

Let's say I'm easily irritable.

I decide to risk getting hypersensitive for the sake of my boyfriend's honesty.

He picks up on the first ring, making me doubt his 'matters to attend to': "Babe?"

"Yeonjun... Are you alright?" I ask directly.

"Well, yeah, why would I be?" he assures. I tell him I thought there was something on his mind when he came.

"Babe, there was nothing" he confirms, but with a hint of self-defense, as if he thinks I'm attacking him. I purse my lips, contemplating my options. I could keep going, and maybe get the truth out, but risk angering him, or stop it here, believe his lie, and avoid any fight. Part of me wants to value honesty over peace, another would rather not request the truth, even if secrets kill.

My silence scares Yeonjun, who asks if I'm okay. I tell him I just don't know if and don't feel like what he says is true. I hear him sigh angrily, so I already start planning both an apology and my funeral.

"I... I don't think it concerns you, Beomgyu, and I don't feel like talking about it. I'll tell you as soon as I do, but not right now" he admits.

I have a sigh of relief: "Okay, take your time, I'll wait"

I hear him chuckle: "Thanks, I appreciate it"

I end the call after blowing him a kiss through the phone, then I realize something.

It's so bad, he doesn't want to talk about it.

I decide to make sure he feels as comfortable and serene with me as I can. If he's going through a lot, I need to be his safe place.

A song pops up in my head at that moment, and I start humming it, whispering it.

"I'll be your escape, I'll be your safe place~, I'll be your shelter, your shelter yeah"

It gets the song stuck in my head, and I decide to play it on my phone. I almost instantly start singing it, softly at first, then louder, not loud enough to be heard even from my hospital room hallway, but loud enough to be heard if anyone was ever to come in.

What am I to do? I can't leave this hospital room even if I want to really badly to comfort Yeonjun, I can't exactly annoy him again and ask him to give me attention and entertain me, I can't ask 'Ma to do it either.

Because I have enough strength to stand on my own feet for some time, I decide to call a nurse and ask if I can go outside. They say I can go in the backyard the hospital has for patients, but only there and nowhere else. I nod and follow them as they lead me there. I sigh once they leave me alone.

I'm out, now what?

I feel like acting like a super villain and escaping this new prison of mine, but I won't be here for long, and it's not like it'll save my lungs to leave, so I just walk around, looking at the flowers even if I've never been interested by nature apart from climbing trees and drawing.

Drawing!

I almost run back upstairs to my room and take out a sketchbook, pencil and eraser, then go back down to the yard. I find a bench to sit on and look at everything around me.

In front of the bench was a lake, with water lilies and pink petals powdering the water. The shade in the area was caused by a bunch of fully bloomed cherry blossom trees, which were also the cause of the falling petals. The grass was of a perfectly wet green, like it's just been watered, and the bench on the other side of the lake was made out of some dark wood, perfectly contrasting the pale and bright surrounding, and was empty.

Although I don't have colour pencils to keep the shades and tones of the place, I start sketching out this pretty part of the yard with more attention and patience than any other drawings I've done.

It takes me the entire week to complete the drawing. 'Ma brought me colours to finish it up two days ago. The results of the pills weren't as great as Dr. Lee wanted them to be, and they didn't help at all, so I had to get a lung transplant. Even after the surgery, I have to stay 48 hours at the hospital to recover. Once I get out, I feel even worse than when I arrived.

On a slight exaggeration.

But still, I feel terrible.

I have to be bed bound for another five days before 'Ma lets me even walk around through the house, and it seems I won't be able to go anywhere anytime soon, so I ask Yeonjun if he can come over.

For maybe the first time since we started dating, he says he can't.

Although it gets me a little sad, I shrug it off. I ask him why he's not free, and he just says it's family matters.

Beomgyu

Oh, well, I hope it's not too bad.

Junie

It's really nothing, but thanks for your
concern

I also owe you an explanation

Can't forget that 😉

I smile a little, wondering if the reason why he was so miserable-looking the week before is the same as the one why he can't come over.

The next day, I ask him again if he can come. When he says he's still taken, I start stressing out a little. After rejecting me thrice, I ask 'Ma if I can pay him a visit. She tries to lecture me, to tell me I'm not well and can't go anywhere just yet, but I know she knows she can't exactly stop me right now.

So she reluctantly agrees to bring me where I hope to find a reason for my boyfriend's somber attitude.

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Update!

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Took me long enough

It's the third time I say this I think, but next chapter'll make up for this short one. For real this time.

Have a swell life

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