Crisis Of Desire

< XVII >

Neveah Aurora North:

The door slowly opens and I look up. Celine steps out of the room. She's tired of working all day, but that's none of my problems.

No one told her to chip us. She did it because Rafael told her. So here we are, waiting for Cataleya to wake up.

Rio seems more concerned than I expected, but not enough to make it seem like he actually gives a damn.

'And?' I ask as soon as she looks at me.

The fact that she didn't want to look at Cataleya, but didn't seem to bother looking at me, even after she talked to me earlier that day, still bothers me. It just indicates how much she cares. How less she actually cares.

'She needs to rest, but she'll be fine.' She sighs, slowly moving her gaze towards Rio.

This wasn't supposed to happen. Cataleya wasn't supposed to get sick, Rio wasn't supposed to drug her that much for her to get sick. Celine didn't want any of this to happen at all, yet she let it happen.

'Can I see her?' She nods, not giving a single shit about Rio's input.

I liked Celine. I really did. I liked her because she stood up for me against Tiago. But after today, after this, I don't think I can ever completely trust her. She did the thing she knew would doom us forever because Rio told her to.

She knew what this meant. There would be no way out after this. And that didn't stop her because she didn't care.

'Just try to keep it down, for her sake.' She whispers as I walk past her, into the dimly lit room. Cataleya is sleeping oh so peacefully as if none of this is happening.

I sneak up to the bed, slowly taking a seat next to her, and grab her hand gently. She doesn't feel cold like two hours ago, but I don't trust it one bit. I know how fast health shit can change and I can't let her die.

All of this is my fault. None of this would've happened if I told her about the Curzio's earlier. None of this would've happened if I didn't meet up with them again six years ago. All of this is happening because I fell for an idiot with gorgeous eyes.

Cataleya is in danger because of me and I won't forgive myself if anything happened to her.

I look at her, trying not to cry out of fear. If something happens to her, I'll lose my shit.

She has so much to live for and she's the only family I have left. So if she goes, I go.

'I'm sorry.' I mumble for the seventh time today. Again, she doesn't respond, because she can't. She can't because Rio messed her up. 'I'm so sorry Leya..'

The tears I've been trying to keep in, escape my eyes. I hate crying. It makes me feel so damn weak, but I'm a real crier. I cry over almost everything. When I'm mad, when I'm hurt, when I'm frustrated, when someone shouts at me, even when I'm tired. It's insane.

I get out of bed and rush into the bathroom. The last thing I need is for Leya to wake up to me crying. That will only stress her out more.

The girl I see in the mirror doesn't display how I feel. She looks completely different. Clean. I don't feel clean. I feel disgusting, I feel used.

I decide to take a shower, ignoring Celine's demand to keep the stitches dry. I need to get cleaned up. I need this feeling to get out of my system.

So I hop into a warm shower, coating myself with all kinds of soaps, and scrubbing my skin until I feel a bit better. My skin feels fresh when I wrap the towel around my body, but as soon as I look into the mirror I feel disgusting again.