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TW// PTSD flashbacks, panic attacks, references to past self harm, mentions of past torture, emotional manipulation and abuse.

This chapter is a monster. There will be a lot of emotions, and Rosie's past traumas will feature very prominently. Please pace yourself, because this will be a rollercoaster. <3

My fingers slide over the brass clasps on my uniform, stiff royal blue fabric that's too boxy at my shoulders, golden tassels that flop over my bicep, and stick down the neck of my flowy white top. I secure the bottom of the shirt with a thick, stain red strip of fabric, wrapping it tightly over my stomach, and sliding the leather sash diagonally across my chest. I fiddle with my white breeches, always baggy at my knees, stuffing the leg into the tops of my calf high, soft black leather boots. 

Wilbur hates armour, but I'm always on edge without it.

I rarely wear the L'manburg uniform anymore, not since the war, but today seemed like the proper time. Wilbur, Tommy and Schlatt have already gone off to the podium to set up the event, so I instead drum my fingers impatiently against the wooden grain of the dark oak bench, waiting for Niki, Jack and Tubbo.

Eventually they all arrive, dressed regally in their pristinely pressed uniforms, and we head off, walking around the walls and to the podium, the stone strip laid out at the base covered in wooden chairs and people decked in blue uniforms and purple tinted armour. 

It never struck me how many people lived around the Dream SMP. I've only known L'manburg, and it's tiny little grounds, surrounded by walls. Tommy and Tubbo tell me stories about them, and Fundy and Eret did too, but that was before, before L'manburg and the war and Dream, when they roamed the lands of the Greater SMP, and I lived far, far away. 

Tubbo runs off immediately, no doubt going to find Tommy, because even though Tommy would never admit it, he'd be shitting himself without him. Niki sticks close, she's new, like me, but Jack slips off into the crowd, and I lose sight of his shaved head and headset almost instantly. 

Niki and I slide into two chairs in the front row, which has a good view, even if you have to crane your neck a little bit to actually see the podium properly. My right legs bounces, whole body electrified with some sort of nervous tension that seems to blanket the air. Niki sits silently next to me, and I know from the way her fingers fidget with the hem of her coat, that she can feel it too. 

"Ro."

I flinch back at the sudden sound of Eret's voice, as he sits down in the chair next to me, sage green shirt and dark blue jeans paired with his usual sneakers and dark glasses. 

"Hey Eret." I say tentatively. He smiles, like he's relieved I responded to him. 

"I didn't know if you'd come." He remarks, waving hello to Niki. 

I shrug. "I didn't know either, but I thought I should you Wilbur and Tommy some support."

 Eret leans in slightly, angling his body towards me.

"Dream hoped you'd come." He says. 

Instantly, my head flicks around so fast I'm sure I've just given myself whiplash. "Wait Eret, is he here?" 

"Yeah, you know how he needs to oversee everything that goes on here." Eret answers.

I stick my head up, swivelling it around the crowd, trying to spot light brown hair and a pearly white mask, but I can't see anyone. Niki tugs on my sleeve, and I quickly duck back down. 

"I can't talk to him." I tell Eret. "I'm not- it's not a good time."

Niki places her hand over mine, and leans in on the other side of me. "Rose, its okay, he's not going to put you in that position, we promise." She says soothingly, nodding along with Eret.

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