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I eye the clock on the wall as usual still rubbing my eyes

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I eye the clock on the wall as usual still rubbing my eyes.

I toss a little to sit up but can't because ace's arm is around me and his head is on my shoulder.

the last 2 days were good I guess, we talked more than ever and I got to know him a little.

It all seemed normal at some moments but my subconscious always reminded me of what he did.

I know people change and I kind of know he is but what he did to my friends is what's keeping from fully forgiving him.

I'm torn into 2, a part of me is tolerating him for the sake of my baby and hoping that he's actually changing but the other keeps reminding me of his mistakes.

He asked if I hated him, 5 weeks ago I would've said yes but now I don't know.

I hate his past actions, the way he treated me and my friends but he's changing.

I dislike our situation but I can't forever.

I have to move on from everything for my baby, I don't want her/him to feel that we are having any sort of issues.

Overall I am grateful he wants the baby, other men would've either left or forced the woman to get an abortion.

at first I wanted him to leave because I didn't want this life for my baby, I still don't but I am sort of glad he didn't leave. Not all kids are lucky enough to have both parents with them.

my parents got divorced when I was 6 months old because my dad was abusive and it got to a point where he tried to hurt me.

at the age of 2 my mom moved out to work and provide for me while I lived with my grandma.

my grandma was sweet sometimes but mostly toxic and abusive, she used to hit me for the slightest reasons like losing an earing lock, or wearing my sweater the wrong way.

I thought that's how everyone was raised so I just grew used to it.

I don't really feel anything remembering everything because as I said I thought it was normal, it's only when I grew older that I realized it was abuse.

It went on till I was seven, that's when my mom got married and took me to live with her.

it was hard for both of us at first because I left everything behind, but we somehow figured it out. everything was good till I became a teenager and wanted to be like the others, you know have guy friends or a boyfriend, go out ect....

but I came to know that I wasn't allowed and it only made me sneaky.

I found ways to have guy friends, got caught multiple time but never stopped till I met hunter.

After hunter I got away from boys and focused on myself, I am thankful I did because it helped become who I am.

my parents never liked or approved of how I wanted to live my life, but it didn't matter because they wanted me to change and I wasn't about to do that.

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