Make Me (Remdy)

We All Suffer Sometimes

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Trigger warnings: Mentions of death, panic attack, vomit

Sleeping while on a moving vehicle is difficult. Remington is unable to. He turns over and over, flipping his pillow multiple times before opening the blind on the window and looking out into the darkness. Bright car headlights pass by and the moon is almost full. Remington watches the road, watches the cars and imagine the people inside them. Families travelling to the airport for early morning flights, he imagines are what most of them are. Like he used to do with his brothers

He sits up and pulls the blind closed. Then he opens it again and there's the same yellow lorry swaying and coming straight for them. Remington closes his eyes and shakes his head. He opens them again and the lorry is still there, about to hit. Remington unwillingly screams, pulling his knees up into his chest and feeling the shock as they're hit. He knows it's not real. He knows it's just his mind.

But it feels real, and he starts whimpering, rocking, holding his shoulder.

"Remington, hey," comes Andy's voice. "It's okay. It's okay." He has pulled back the curtain. "Look here, it's okay. You're safe. You're safe."

"I-I need to get out," Remington stutters desperately. "Please. I need to get out."

Andy nods, takes his hands. "Of course," he says. "Anything you need." Then he turns to the bunk opposite, where he knows Lonny will have woken. "Tell the driver to pull over," he tells the bassist. "Please, now." Lonny gets out of the bunk and begins for the front of the bus. Andy brings his attention back to Remington, who's gripping his hands so tightly his knuckles are white. "Come on," he says quietly, firmly. "We'll pull over, get you out of here."

Remington nods.

"Let me help you down, these bunks are lethal." He pulls his hands free with some difficulty, positioning them under Remington's armpits and helping him to the ground, then taking his hand again.

"I feel sick," the boy says weakly. "Andy..."

"It's okay. We'll get out as soon as he finds a place to stop. Just look at me."

"Maybe it's you that's making me sick."

Andy hums. "You just can't help yourself, can you? Come on, the bus is slowing down." He walks with the younger down the vehicle, waiting until he's sure they're no longer moving before opening the door and stepping out.

Remington follows him out and around the other side, away from the road, where he sits down on the tarmac and puts his head in his hands. Then he gets onto his knees and leans forwards, vomiting and groaning. "God," he mutters, and wipes his mouth with the back of his wrist. "I don't know what's wrong with me. It's been months."

"There isn't a time limit for grief and trauma," Andy tells him. "Do you want some water?"

"No, don't go. Am I gonna make us late?"

"No, we schedule in an extra hour in case something holds us up. Don't worry about it."

"Okay."

"Just don't get puke on me."

"Shut up."

Andy smiles. "Did you have a bad dream, or..."

The boy shrugs and looks down at the road. "Couldn't sleep," he mumbles. "The sound of cars..."

"Yeah, it's hard to sleep on a moving vehicle. And the bus is so loud."

"God, I don't know what I'm doing."

"Does anyone?"

"True."

"You're doing really well, Remington. And I don't say that to everyone."

Remington smiles. He's shivering. "You're nicer than you'll have people believe."

"No," Andy says. "I just don't find you insufferable."

"Thanks?"

"You're welcome. Are you okay now?"

"I think so. Better than before, anyway."

"Good."

"Thanks, Andy."

"What for?"

"Don't be an idiot. You know what for."

Andy shakes his head. "You should get some sleep," he says. "I can lie with you...if that helps."

"You sure you don't just wanna get me in bed?"

"Shush before I make you vomit again."

"How would you do that? By shoving your cock so far down it makes me gag?"

Andy clears his throat. "I take it back. You are insufferable." Then he adds, "you are correct in assuming my cock is big enough to make you gag, though."

"You forget I already sucked you, Andy."

"That was a wet dream of yours."

"Please, don't flatter yourself." He stands up. "But do lie with me, though. That would help."

"You got it. Come on. It's bloody freezing out here, my balls are gonna drop off."

"You're so gross."

"I know."

"Shut up."

"Make me."

"Okay, open your mouth."

Andy laughs out loud. "I hate how funny I found that."

"I hate how funny you found that," Remington says, following him around the bus. "What do you do on tour when sexual frustration gets too much?"

Turning to look at him, Andy raises an amused eyebrow. "What do you think we do? Have an orgy?"

"I dunno, maybe. Though you're too 'straight' to do that."

"Don't say it like that. I am straight."

"I'm not having this conversation again. I'm going to bed."

"You know I'm right."

"You're never right. You're an idiot."

"Piss off."

"Never." He grins and steps back into the vehicle.