Make Me (Remdy)

We All Use People

Ayy no.1 in the Andyblack tag bitches 

Trigger warnings: Mentions of depression, self harm, suicide, sorryyy

Andy Black: It has been brought to my attention that, through some very unfortunate source, there are rumours regarding not only my sexuality, but also who I may be dating. While I'm not exactly keen on sharing every detail of my personal life, I feel it's better for everyone if I clear this up publicly and come out as bisexual. This isn't the way I'd have liked to come out to you all, but I'd rather know that what everyone hears is the truth and not a distorted version of it. 

* * * 

The graveyard seems to be the designated, unspoken meeting ground. At a quarter to eight in the evening, Remington, walking down the path after seeing his brothers, joins Andy at the usual bench. 

The man is wrapped in a thick trench coat, hood up, a takeaway coffee in his hands, looking straight ahead with a deep frown. 

Remington leans into his side. "What're you doing here? It's freezing." 

"Can I come round yours tonight?" 

"Yeah, course. Why? What's wrong?" 

Andy brings the coffee to his mouth, sips it, sighs. "Just having one of those days," he says. "This whole coming out thing is very stressful." He finishes the drink. "Alright, c'mon, let's go." He gets up off the bench and begins walking. 

Following him along the path, Remington says, "It's good you came out, though, at least." 

"Maybe I wasn't ready to come out to the whole world," the elder responds, then realising how rude he sounds, adds, "It's just not the way I wanted it to happen. It wasn't her thing to tell and it's not anyone else's business to keep spreading. So what if I like a bit of cock? Who fucking cares?" 

"Exactly, who cares? So why are you getting so pissy about it if no one should care?" 

Andy shakes his head. "My job is to give them music and perform for them and that's it. They aren't entitled to anything more than that, Remington. They shouldn't fucking care who I'm dating or whether I like fanny, cock, or neither. That shouldn't be the important thing to know about me when all they are is people who like my fucking music." 

"Your job is to show who you are through the music you write, of course they want to know things about you. Besides, they admire you, there's nothing wrong with wanting to learn more about someone who inspires you." 

"Of course you wouldn't get it." 

"Sorry, what the hell do you mean by that?" 

He shakes his head again, walking at a brisk pace. "You wouldn't understand what it's like to come out after being married, would you? What experience would you have in that department?" 

"No, Andy, but I know what it's like to come out and I know what it's like to get a negative response to it, that's all. I don't see how this has to be something worth arguing over." 

"Oh, so now not only have I been forced to come out, I'm also gonna get a negative response! Oh, thanks a lot for the warning." 

"Why are you having a go at me? I'm trying to help." 

"Yeah, and look how good you are at doing that." Andy leaves the graveyard and drops the empty coffee cup into a bin by the wall. "You couldn't ever even begin to understand how much pressure I'm under all the time, Remington. I mean...it's all well and good for you, isn't it." 

"Oh yeah? And how've you worked that one out?" 

"You wanted to join a band so you did. You got to be in the music videos and then you got to be on tour and no one cared that you were gay because no one cared about you. You were just a fucking guitarist to replace the last one. They don't care what you are. Gay, straight, whatever. To them, you're someone who can play the guitar and look pretty and that's all they want. It's different for me. They have to like me. If they don't like me, they don't like the band." 

Remington is quiet. He moves away from Andy, puts a considerable gap between them. "You can go back to your own house tonight," he spits forcefully. 

"Oh, for fuck's sake, stop taking everything so personally." 

"Stop taking everything personally? You just said-" 

"Look, just shut up. You're not helping anyone. You don't understand any of this. I don't know why I expected you to." He steps out onto the main road, crosses it. "You don't know anything about being famous and it shows." 

"You're a rock singer with two million people who care enough about you to want to know more than just the words you sing, and all you do is take the piss! They admire you, for God's sake. Not everyone has people supporting them that much, and you taking it for granted is fucking disgusting. That's what you are. Rude, insulting, selfish, heartless, and disgusting. You're disgusting. Now go home and cry about it. Oh, and it's more effective if you cut along the vein." He throws a nasty glare the man's way before walking off. 

"Fucking hell," Andy whispers angrily, chasing after him and grabbing his shoulder. "Now you're encouraging me to cut myself? Oh, that's real supportive of you. Thanks so much. Just what I needed to her while I'm in the middle of watching my life fall to pieces." 

Remington shoves him away. "Your life's not falling to pieces, you cunt!" 

"How is it that it's perfectly okay for you to get upset about the smallest of things, like Shy having a new boyfriend, but if I get upset over my ex wife going to the press about my sexuality, that's when it's not okay? What the hell, Remington! This is supposed to be an equal relationship, but all I see is you using me as some fool to cry into when you get lonely, which is so fucking often that I'm honestly surprised you've not jumped in front of a car by now, so you know what, I'm done. Find someone else to use. I'm worth more than this." 

"You're worth nothing!" Shouts Remington, fighting tears. Then he turns and walks away, and Andy doesn't go after him.