Make Me (Remdy)

We All Go Home.

Trigger Warning: mentions of death, depression, murder, suicide, self-harm.

The house is quiet but not silent.

Remington sits up. There's no one beside him in bed but that doesn't bother him. He knows where he is.

His body is painless but it shouldn't be - the pills should be hitting him like a lorry on a motorway right about now. But he is painless, and he stands up. The clothes he is wearing are the clothes he was wearing when they were last together in the car. Leather jacket, PVC pants, ready for a photoshoot that never happened. An outfit wasted.

Happily, he descends the stairs, and when he reaches the bottom, he can hear quiet conversation from the living room. He can't make out words, but when he pushes open the door, his brothers are sitting side by side giggling about something. Their heads turn at the sound of the door and their faces fall at the same time.

Remington stands in the doorway looking at them.

Emerson looks at Sebastian, both of them frowning. Then, he says, "Tell me I'm hallucinating."

Wide-eyed, Remington says nothing.

"I don't think so," Sebastian replies softly. "What happened?" He asks, directed at Remington.

"You know what," answers the singer slowly.

"No. You shouldn't be here again."

Remington's eyes fill. He looks down.

Getting up, Sebastian approaches. "Honey," he whispers, putting his hands to his brother's cheeks gently. "Come here."

They hug for a while. Remington can't help but to cry. He doesn't know exactly whether it's out of relief of being here, or regret for leaving Andy. Whatever the reason, he cries into Sebastian's shoulder while the elder whispers that it's okay but he needs to wake up. Remington shakes his head. "No," he says through tears. "I can't. Not again." He pulls back and wipes his else. "I can't go back. Everything's gone wrong."

"You killed a man," Sebastian says. "I know. Foul little man, he had it coming. You need to wake up, okay? You know you do. You have a whole life to live. We'll still be here later."

Again, Remington shakes his head. "I want to stay here."

"It's not your time, sweetie."

"It wasn't yours. Why didn't you wake up?"

Leading him to the couch, Sebastian sighs. "We didn't have the choice. We were too far gone when we go here. But you're not. You always have a choice when it's self-inflicted. Always."

"But...I don't want to. That's my choice."

"Rem," Emerson says as the two sit down. He takes the singer's hand. "If you don't go back now, you'll never be able to again. Won't you miss it?"

"Miss what?"

"Everything."

"What, lying in bed wishing I was dead? Crying until my lungs hurt? Watching everyone get what they want while I get nothing? You don't get it. I don't want to be there. I can't. It's horrible. It makes me want to die."

"Well, we can see that."

Remington sends him a glare.

"Listen," Sebastian tries. "Give it a chance. If it's still not getting better, you can come back here. But only after you've given it a proper chance."

"No. I won't go back. I'm staying here. With you."

"What about Andy?"

"He has his own family, he doesn't need me."

"That's bullshit. He loves you. He fucking adores the shit out of you."

"But it's not enough," Remington says. "I thought it was, but it's not. I thought having him want me would make me happy, Seb, but it doesn't. It doesn't. Nothing does, because you're not there with me and I just need you." He shakes tears away and wipes at his eyes. "I have tried, anyway. I've tried so much. I got through Christmas and your birthdays and my birthday, and I toured with Andy's band, and I fell in love, and I tried. I tried. Isn't that enough? Can't I stop now?"

"There's more to life than us."

"Yes," he agrees. "But there's no life without you."

"Remington, you need to wake up now." There's desperation in Sebastian's voice, but still, Remington shakes his head. "If you don't, you're never waking up again."

"Good."

"No. Not good. You don't want to be dead. You don't. I know things are hard, but you don't want to be dead."

"Yes, I do. I do. All I've wanted since you left was to be dead. Every day I'd wish for it. I've done everything to forget about it but I can't, because I need it. Nothing else is enough anymore." He brushes the last of his tears away. "Andy has his son and Juliet and his band, he'll be fine without me. I just came into his life, fucked everything up, made him realise he liked cock, and now I'm leaving."

"That's all you think you to him?" Sebastian questions. "Are you fucking blind? That man would do anything for you, anything."

"Yes, and I'm doing this for him," Remington insists.

"For him? He loves you, the last thing he would want is to find you dead."

"He'll be sad but he'll get over it."

"Get over it," Sebastian repeats. "Because you know better than anyone that's not how it works. He will not get over it. He will be devastated and he'll probably relapse into drinking and then he'll end up dead, too."

"Stop trying to guilt me into waking up. I'm not waking up."

"But Remington-"

Getting up, he shakes his head aggressively. "No. Listen to me. All I do when I'm alive is wish I wasn't. I cut myself to give the illusion of dying and I spend days at a time in bed fantasising about being here, and now I am here, all you're doing is making me feel like you don't want me, and do you know how horrible that feels? I've dreamed of seeing you for fucking ever. I need you, why are you trying to make me go?"

"Because we love you, Remington," Emerson explains. "Because we don't want you to lose the life you have."

"Do you even want me here?"

"Of course we're happy to see you, and of course we've missed the crap out of you, but if you stay with us, you'll be dead, and we love you enough to tell you that, as much as it hurts, you can't stay. You deserve life, Remington. You deserve the life we never got. Won't you do that for us?"

Looking past them at the door, he bites his lip.

The light changes, melting from pale yellow to dark blue, and beneath his feet, the earth shifts. He has to catch himself on the arm of the couch, and an intense crashing sound echoes from wall to wall.

Then it falls silent and his brothers are staring at him with tears in their eyes.

* * * The End * * *